~ThE fAlLeN aNgEl~

2010-05-17T22:25:00.002+08:00

Times flies ... Is already May now. I have been working since March.
I met Andrew again... He called and wanted to see me so I went to watch Iron Man 2 with him. I understand that he wanted to be with me again but he dunno that I had changed. I am no longer the Amy he knew. I no longer keen in going into a relationship either with him or with anyone... He said we could be together again and not letting our mothers know about it.. hahaha... how childish is he!! If really wanna go into a relationship, how not to let our mothers know? Anyway I only met him once ever since that movie as I am busy drinking with Shalene and friends after my work... I lose that magic feel he gave me once and it proved that he's not the one I'm waiting for. I will continue playing till' I find the right one if not, just be it... Being single is not a bad idea too...

2010-02-12T17:26:00.007+08:00

My Birthday Bash pictures taken from Shalene's facebook..
Had fun that night at White Bar. I received a Titus watch from Edison and a bottle of Martell from Bryan (WB's boss). Thanks to all the guys! I really enjoy myself!!!

2010-01-25T13:27:00.004+08:00

2009 ended... With Shalene on countdown, X'mas eve, followed by celebrating her birthday with Alvin and A.G.
Very pathetic, we are always single on these special days. Kinda like a curse... My birthday coming too, as usual I dun feel like celebrating. But A.G said he will celebrate for me... hahaha... I know he will tell "Edison" about it. He said Ed confess to him that he wanna 'xian' me. No wonder so kind to buy a lighter for me when he go shopping. I dun have the heart to start a new relationship... My heart is close again right after Andrew. I dunno how to open up and accept other guys. I have let go.. yet I dunno how to start afresh. I'm still lost in my life at the moment. I lose too much in that relationship, I lose my everything... That pain, I can still feel it... Very frightening... In front of my friends, my family, I gotta put up a smiling face, a fake front to cover myself.
Haiz... how to forget? Very vexed...

He uploaded this pic to his facebook and I saved it. I dunno why I just wanna keep this pic in my blog. Hahaha... Sometimes when I happen to think of him, I would at the same time thinking if he would do the same too? I guess not, he might be thinking of his new love now. Because of him, I dare not go watch movie with a guy. Because of him I dare not do a lot of things... I'm afraid I will cry when I think of those past. Love really can't bring me bliss... Haiz... So many guys around me but none have the key to my heart even Tian also dun have... Oh, Tian asked about my birthday too. I guess he might buy a present for me on that day. Maybe if he is back from Malaysia ba.

2009-12-17T21:45:00.002+08:00

I just went to his profile at MySpace. I had a mix feelings when I look at his pictures. I dun feel the heartache anymore but I do miss the days when we are still happily together. I am no longer that old Amy with long hair... I've cut my hair short and I know I've change. Time really can wash away some things... I will never wanna contact or meet him again.. As he is too stupid to believe his friends saying and accused me of things I have not done. Like what Shalene said, he is indeed a basturd, a jerk! I done so much things for him, in the end what I get in return from him was hurt. He left me a scar on my head and finger. A scar for me to remember how he had hurt me! I know I can never forget him, I can never ever forget how he hurt me even though I miss those happy days with him. That's why I said I had a mixed feelings... I dun play around when I'm with him but he is stupid not to believe me. So I will not love again too, thanks to him.. He made me gave up hope in relationships. Love is nothing but lies and hurt. He is a biggest mistake I've made in my life. I shouldn't have allowed him to walk into my life!

I'm growing my hair again, will look for a new job too... The problem is I dunno wad job to look for... Sianz ...
Very soon, I will travel also... First with my family to Thailand, Hong Kong, Genting then with Shalene to ... I also dunno where, haven't decide yet, hahaha... Looking forward to these days! By then, I think my hair should be long liao... Tomorrow gotta go bank to deposit money for paying my credit bills. My money is always not enough, my guys are all basturds... Why huh?
Money + happiness= No guy
Got Guy= No money with happiness losing gradually
I think I choose money from now onwards. Money can buy happiness...

2009-12-16T00:43:00.000+08:00

A new favourite song!

2009-11-13T14:07:00.002+08:00

I really do love him once but he will never know it. Even if I told him the truth, he still dun believe it. I can only choose to move on and forget about it. Maybe he really dun worth ... ...

他的轻狂留在某一节车厢
地下铁里的风比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最终的荒唐

如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖越多的空白
该怎么去爱

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最终的荒唐

如果还有遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

2009-11-05T14:24:00.002+08:00

淚了 by 曾沛慈
Lyrics

天快亮了
能不能别离开呢
沉默像首悲伤的歌
捂上视线却模糊了
你要走了
也带走所有快乐
甜蜜的片段散落了
疲倦了心冷了我哭了
那流星闪过
我们许下一个愿望
要在一起绝不分离
你怎么放弃了
星空在闪烁
像你的眼泪
悄悄划过
当你放开了手
离开的时候
有没有一点舍不得我
泪光在闪烁
而我的眼泪忍住
不敢坠落
我还留在黑暗中守候
你却已经远远离开我
离开我了
梦醒了还剩什么
我要的幸福消失了
你的心曾经属于我的
那流星闪过
我们许下一个愿望
要在一起绝不分离
你怎么放弃了
星空在闪烁
像你的眼泪
悄悄划过
当你放开了手
离开的时候
有没有一点舍不得我
泪光在闪烁
而我的眼泪忍住
不敢坠落
我还留在黑暗中守候
你却已经远远离开我
有过的快乐
我都记得
回忆还旋转着
爱怎么停了
我们都累了
星空在闪烁
像你的眼泪
悄悄划过
当你放开了手
离开的时候
有没有一点舍不得我
泪光在闪烁
而我的眼泪忍住
不敢坠落
我还留在黑暗中守候
你却已经远远离开我

2009-11-04T15:21:00.002+08:00

I deleted all his contact number from my phone so as not to call him anymore. I have try to keep him as a friend, but all he did is to accuse me of things I've never done... I guess I had enough of his nonsense and Shalene said I should be glad I left him. Ya, that's what I thought so now. He is indeed a jerk like his mum and sis... Unreasonable basturd! Go to hell! Wish you fail in all the things you did.
I've been staying home for a month plus le... I dunno wad kind of job should I look for, si bei sianz... I might be going to study too.. Go get my O' level which I missed so many years ago. Mean while I will look out for a job thru newpaper and slowly I might go take a driving license also. Shall make myself very busy soon after my mum recovered and sell our flat. I have never plan anything for myself for the past years but after been thru so many things, I guess it's really time to think for myself and stop leading a wasted life. I will prove to those basturd and jerks that I lead a better life without them! The next time they see me, I'll be different again!

2009-10-30T14:50:00.002+08:00

2 days ago, while lying on my bed, I suddenly thought of the first time I met him, the first time I met him for movie... Then tears start to tickled down... hahaha... Actually I'm still holding onto the memories I had with him. I just force myself to divert my attention away from it as much as I can but when night falls, it's really hard. I wonder if he's going to come back to me, will I take him back? I really dunno...

2009-10-15T14:25:00.002+08:00

Now then I know that's what friends are for... No wonder someone told me to let go my friendship and let go my BGRelationship... My so call good fren siam me becos I'm down and if go drinking with me I will break down and cry which she said I spoiled her mood of relaxing... Well, i can understand... Everyone just wanna see me laugh and joke as if nothing happen at all.. I will but not right after all those things happened. I know I am crying and you people are laughing, laugh as you can but when one day you experienced the pain I am feeling now, I will not laugh at you. Instead, I will choose to walk this dark period with you. This is what I will choose to do before. BUT, from now onwards, the day you experienced the pain I am feeling now, I will not laugh at you and will not accompany you also.. I'm going to ignore anyone, anything that is useless to me... My world is cold and dark, it only have me alone facing the bright and fuck up world. I am now giving up everything to gain my dark self back. What are friends for? What are Bf for? All are meant to bring hurt, I feel hurt on the things they said and done to me because I cared... I never know that actually they dun give a damn... Hahaha... how miserable... I really should just wake up. He no longer my Darling and she had never think/ said I'm her good fren. Forget about everything, what's important is my mum and my family members.

2009-10-03T21:10:00.003+08:00

I hope things will not turn out this way and I still have him by my side like before.. I still have him in my dream but when i wake up he is not anymore... I've really lose him. Everyday at this hour I'm back at his place, buy food for him and still have him with me... But everything is gone le... I no longer can touch him, call him "Darling", hear him calling me and wake up with him by me. He now dun even wanna see me, treats me like a pest and blame me for everything... He dun wan me and dun need me anymore... While I still can't let go and need him badly even though the whole world go against it. I am such a failure... The strong and ego Amy is dead. I fell and sank too deeply, I dunno where to find myself back, where to get my heart back... ... My mum had heart problems, going for an operation on the 14, if anything happen i think I will die with her. But before I die, I will drop an sms to Shalene and Him... If I die is not because of him is because without my mum, I dunno who should I live for. As living really hurts me badly... I wanna go with her so I can acc her since when she's alive I seldom with her so if she's gone I wanna be with her... I will be happy too if I die...

我爱谁跨不过从来也不觉得错
自以为抓著痛就能往回忆里躲
偏执相信著受诅咒的水晶球
阻挡可能心动的理由

而你却靠近了逼我们视线交错
原地不动或向前走突然在意这分钟
眼前荒沙弥漫了等候耳边传来孱弱的呼救
追赶要我爱的不保留

我身骑白马走三关
我改换素衣回中原
放下西凉没人管
我一心只想王宝钏 (Andrew Sang)

而你却靠近了逼我们视线交错
原地不动或向前走突然在意这分钟
眼前荒沙弥漫了等候耳边传来孱弱的呼救
追赶要我爱的不保留

我身骑白马走三关
我改换素衣回中原
放下西凉没人管
我一心只想王宝钏 (Andrew Sang)

满身伤痕累累也来不及痛
那是指引我走向你的清楚感受
不管危不危险都要放下一切跟你走
只要一起承担只要你不放手

我身骑白马走三关
我改换素衣回中原
放下西凉没人管
我一心只想王宝钏 (Andrew Sang)

嘿~
我改换素衣回中原
放下西凉没人管
我一心只想王宝钏 (Andrew Sang)

2009-09-29T17:22:00.003+08:00

I lose him ... I lose my job... I lose everything... but i realize when i need help, not a single soul would help me. And the worst, Shalene splash cold water on me by sending me a sms... She still had a job, she just short of a real Bf but me? I guess I deserve it huh? I thought as long as I love him everything will be ok... as long as i give wad he wants, everything will be ok... I did so much for him and i lose everything over a night. Yeah, physically I am recovering. My heart, my mind.... it hurt so much. I cry silently everyday by myself. I dare not tell my mum... I'm really hurt. I did so much for him but why? why? Why things turned to be this way? Why everything is over even though I gave so much? Losing my job is ok but losing him is killing me. I really feel like ending my life... Living really hurts me but I cant let my mum down... I gotta live for her... Tears will not turn back the clock.. I am still trying very hard to pull myself together.... I am smiling but my heart is always crying and when I'm alone tears start to flow again... Will anyone understand? My pain is worse than death...

2009-09-21T18:56:00.002+08:00

I'm single again! This time though it really hurts... but I try not to cry... Haiz, towards him I think I had nothing more to say anymore. He said he meant it whenever he say he love me. But why he accused, hurt and dun trust me? And even hit me, ruined every of my things... My heart hurt so much till I dunno what to do but to take sleeping pills every night to sleep.. To numb myself from the pain... Dun mention love to me anymore... Love will only hurt a person.. There's no love at all...

2009-08-15T00:00:00.002+08:00

I was on M.C since Tuesday. These 5 days he had been with me but today I came home myself. I asked him to go sleep as he had not been sleeping well recently. When I'm in cab, he sms me that he will give me a call when he wakes up as he will put his phone on silent. Now is 12.07am, I have not receive his call yet and I think I'm right, he really sleeps better without me. Tomorrow I'm going back for work already... Haiz, I really dun feel like working as I start to hate that I'm alone. And I hate to know that while I'm working, my guy is sleeping so soundly at home. How I wished I could switch this role. Why I'm not the one to sleep soundly at home? Sianz... I told him I dun feel like working le and he said wait till he found a job. Dunno how long I gonna wait... Hope I could wait till this day to come. I'm tired, tired of working... Tired of doing everything... Tired of living too... Maybe when the day he found a job, the girl he's going to feed is not me anymore. I guess I dun have that kind of fate. I think I'm starting to lose myself bit by bit everyday. By this month end, I gotta get myself back again. I guess I should just wake up, love dun really can bring bliss.

2009-08-05T23:47:00.002+08:00

Why do falling in love makes one feel lonely? I'm very lonely nowadays even though I'm attached... He used to accompany me a lots but now not anymore. I dunno why he makes me feel more and more lonely... Even though I'm staying at his place, I still sleeps alone, clean his room alone, go back home alone and work alone... And now I'm home alone... Feel so upset, dunno why... Loving someone should be blissful but why am I feeling upset and lonely? Maybe love only will bring hurts, it can never bring any bliss. When men get what they wanted, they will not treat you like how they do during the initial courtship. How sad... He makes me fall in love and slowly makes me needed him and then he started to leave to me to loneliness. I thought I found someone who will always be with me but in the end, I'm still alone. Alone to face everything, alone to do everything.. Maybe I'm having my PMS, that's why I'm so upset.. Maybe... Hope this feeling will go off soon... I hate to shed tears as I know no one cares, nobody will give a damn as everyone thinks that I'm too strong willed to cry. So I always choose to hide when I cry... I wish to sleep like how he does but in a different way, I would never wanna wakes up. I dunno when I can sleep forever, hope this day will come ASAP. I hate being alive!! I guessed I had said these words thousands of time. Being alive is too painful... ...

2009-04-22T13:24:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was feeling super down... I'm tired of working... Sick of it too! Haiz.. dun feel like working anymore but can't. Today I switch off my cell phone, dun feel like picking up the calls from work. Maybe will switch on again later. I'm afraid someone might be looking for me. Then I shall ignore all calls from work.

2009-04-15T23:34:00.002+08:00

I was off work quite early on Monday and went happy hour with Shalene... Erm... around 9pm, Stanley came to join us. The next morning I had a terrible headache and hang over. My mood was quite ok till' afternoon when Iris told me my boss commented something about me to my other colleague after I left on Monday evening. I flared up and went down to the atrium to tell the girl to inform my boss that I would be still leaving early that very day, at the same time I gave her a piece of my mind. For the past one week I have been working from 11am to 10pm almost everyday!!! I dun see the point that I gotta work 11am to 10pm for this whole week too.. Why must I work for such long hours when the other girls get to go off early? After flaring at that girl, I went back to the shop. Not long, that girl came up to ask me not to misunderstand as she just ask Iris if I'm going to stay back and if not she will ask boss to get another girl to take over. Things settled... I told her I'm piss off as they should use their brain to think! How can they expect me work full shift all the way? Boss want us not to be so calculative, THEN dun be calculative to me... You people will tired SO AM I! I got my life too! I also have a mother, not only you people have!!! Mon and Tues is the only days that I can go off early, the rest of the days I gotta work full shift again so be fair to me. These people really upset me! KNNBCCB! Stop talking lan jiao wei behind my back la... FUCK YOU ALL, UNDERSTAND !!
Sometimes I had this very strong feeling that I gotta be wary of Iris, she likes to twist and turn words. I guess I should ignore all her words from now onwards as I'm not sure if I should trust her or not. Very dangerous...

2009-04-08T01:58:00.002+08:00

I had been working like hell for the past 2 days! My company is holding an atrium sales @ The Central shopping mall near Clark Quay. For the following days till 19th of April, most of my shift starts from 11am till 10pm. Si bei tired!!! Hope everything will go smoothly ...

2009-03-23T02:44:00.002+08:00

Photos taken in St. James!!

2009-03-23T02:30:00.000+08:00

This is talking about ME:

AQUARIUS WOMAN

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy
or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.

Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such
person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader , a real confident type.

She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door
herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.

She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a
chance to show him his own confident. She like to guess her man's reaction,
but at the same time she likes to has many men wanting her. She is a daring
type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dare to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.

Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up
with someone , she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and
agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person
again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word
"Love".

She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She
loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage , her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.

She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her , let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.

She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad , be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.

You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.

She has many type of jobs because she beliefs what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.

If she mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay Back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of a guy", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bored you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

2009-03-22T13:41:00.002+08:00

戴愛玲-空港

话已经讲完爱已风乾
心不再摇晃梦早已存档
谁在寂寞的空港
催促着离去的航班只能这样
删去你的影像就没有遗憾
这次我很坚强不再有幻想
你的梦不够宽敞
装不下我的泪两行今夜我就要离航
点亮月光走进没有爱情的空港
忘掉感伤忘掉所有替你圆的谎
不必伪装天塌下来就让别人去扛
没有你那又怎样
你真的不必再勉强
我不会再有期望
今夜就要把你释放
乘着月光航向没有梦想的空港
面对忧伤面对明天我会更勇敢
不怕风霜告诉自己就在这里松绑
没有你就是这样
剪断月光停在没有回忆的空港
独自疗伤抱着自己好好哭一场
不再迷惘不再对你存有任何遐想
没有你不会怎样
就把你遗忘把你遗忘

2009-03-12T23:08:00.003+08:00

Haiz... Feel like blogging, but dunno wad to blog. Nothing interesting really happened. Life is still as boring as before! My daily routine - work, drink and home. I guess I'm too free, too much time to kill, that's why I'm always feeling bored. Recently, my new hang out place is White bar (@ boat quay). Today, I have the urge to quit drinking. Wad else could I do if I stop drinking? I'm sick of being alone, sick of my life, sick of everything!! Dunno how many more times I need to die before I could finally rest in peace... Haiz... If our brain could reformat like PC, I guess i would be happier. Too much virus in my brain!

下雨天了怎么办
我好想你
不敢打给你
我找不到原因
什么失眠的声音
变得好熟悉
沉默的场景
做你的代替
陪我听雨滴

期待让人越来越沉迷
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞
一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不清那些
彻别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

期待让人越来越疲惫
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞
一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不清那些
彻别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不清那些
彻别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

2008-12-03T03:57:00.003+08:00

It's another ages since my last post up.. Nothing to blog about actually..
Life is still the same for me except that my work location had changed. It's now much nearer to Dreamerz but this shopping mall is a total failure! As for relationship part, I think I'm still single. I dunno Zaxx is my boyfriend or fling, hmmm... should be fling I guessed. Anyway, not important... Guys are just a whole bunch of craps. I still love Edward Cullen more, hahaha...
Oh! I've changed my handset too. I trade in my LG Secret to:

LG KF350 in pink

Chio? Hahaha... Is cute la...

2008-12-03T02:56:00.003+08:00

I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I'm done here?

So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest, don't be afraid
I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you

So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are

2008-09-25T00:50:00.005+08:00

Haiz... have been so long I didn't blog le... Nothing much for the past one month...
I have been meeting Shalene almost everyday for booze. We were hoping between Dreamerz and Blue Blaze. As my work, I'm hoping between Harbour Front and The Central. Si bei sianz..
Hate to go Central!!! Super Bored at that place as I gotta work alone. But I seems to get used of working alone. That idiot who said he will return me the money, FAILED TO DO SO. What a jackass!!! Shalene was in the same plight as me le. Maybe she could still trust guys but I'm comfirmed, I will not. Guys are not worthy at all! Talking about guy, I haven't see my so-called Bf for some time le. Lolz... He's busy with work and last few days just sms me said he had finish his course. Actually he wanted to pick me up yesterday but I told him I will see him next week instead. Zaxx is different with Match. Zaxx said, he is immune to my coldness. And I guess Zaxx is not going to lie or cheat on me. That's why when he said he's busy with work, I kinda trust him. lolz... I did make a little fuss about it and i did have a little doubts about he telling me he's busy with work. But at least he tell me everything will be back to normal after he finished his course and indeed, he came back to me. Alright, I gotta go sleep now...

2008-08-13T00:44:00.005+08:00

The 4th book of Twilight series - Breaking Dawn had finally arrived at my doorstep this afternoon. Going to start reading that real soon!!! Another book - The Host was also by the same author. I will start on that when I finish that "Breaking dawn". I just found out that the movie of Twilight will be release on this December! Yeah!!!!
Argh... Edward Cullen - the every girls' perfect inhuman boyfriend! So perfect till' no mortal can compare... Where to find a bf like him??? lolz
Today I very guai lo. Reach home at around 6pm but home alone. No date... sianz! Haiz, I think I go read my book now. Maybe later will dream of my Edward Cullen. Bwuhahaha...

2008-08-10T23:27:00.003+08:00

Haiz... lost my Sony K850i!!! Den bought a new phone which is the LGKF750 aka LG secret.
That phone was not too bad.. Had 5 megapixed cam and look stylish. Lolz...
Anyway all my contacts was gone! But never mind, not important as long as I still have my darling's and close friends' number. :P Recently I feel that losing Match is a bliss.. Because I can go back to Zaxx. I love my boyfriend la! lolz... He's nice to me... I'm like a princess when I'm with him. Bwuhahaha... but one day if the love and sweetness he gave me disappear, I will disappear from his life again too.
My colleague said I look like a korean in this picture. Hahahaha...

2008-08-10T23:21:00.001+08:00

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy (hey baby)

but I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding I
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

2008-08-10T23:02:00.002+08:00

Take a Bow - Leona Lewis

2008-08-01T22:55:00.002+08:00

Friday night... I'm home! lolz.. Very tired! Suppose to meet my ex-boss - Jonathan for drink but I backed out last min. I have been drinking with Shalene for the past few days! Not enough sleep sia.. so today gotta stay home for rest. Anyway, I bought a new phone! Sony K850i, cool!
I've finally got over that basturd! He hasn't return me the money yet as he said he gotta settled the debt he left in dreamerz. When I asked him for the money, he told me he broke off with that girl already. I was like, wad the fuck? He thinks I cared? Hahaha.. too bad I dun. I only care when can I get back my money. I'm now back with Zaxx. And ya, he's a malay. I'm on and off with him for 9 years. Maybe really fate ba, no matter how far I run, in the end still back to him. Our birthday falls on the same day but he's 10 years older than me. Kinda amazing... After 9 years, he still wants me to go back to him. I will stay with him as long as he dun married me. I have my reasons for rejecting marriage. I feel that 2 persons can still be together even without marriage. To me, marriage is not necessary at all.

2008-07-26T00:08:00.001+08:00

你没想像中爱我 - 石欣卉

你小心翼翼牵我手
其实是担忧藏不住我
自尊也投降活在她之下
我好傻

你字字句句说你不爱她
那又是什么让你害怕
我疑惑但是原谅因为你留下
我好傻

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来你没想像中那么爱我
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受
你的存在让我更寂寞

你寸步不离像天使的她
挥霍我的爱从不放心上
我有一丝无奈也有一些明白
该放开

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来你没想像中那么爱我
我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么
不爱我别再说假装爱那是撒盐在伤口

啊~~ 谁说我不在意空等候
原来你从来都没深刻爱我
我才懂不是我不心痛
其实是心没了感受

呜~~~

你没想像中爱我

2008-07-23T23:48:00.002+08:00

I told him I will give him my account number at the end of this month for him to transfer the money he owed me and on the 12th August, I'm not going to court with him as he can ask his Gf to accompany him. But he said I might need to go to cancel the bail so he hope I will go, after all we are still friends as for the money he'll return to me by end of this month. In the end, I just replied him that, I will try to go.
We are friends? Are we? Fuck la!!! If we are friends, then why the fuck he didn't tell me he had fall for another person? Why the fuck he always use work as an excuse and lie to me? Why the fuck must tell me that we are still friends when he know I've found out about his new gf? All the while he just lie and cheated me!!! Yet now he got the cheek to tell me we are still friends! He borrowed money from me because he used up all his money on that bitch! He should fucking go ask his gf for money like how he had asked from me before. Why he can asked money from me when he dated me and now he can't ask money from that bloody bitch? I wasted my tears, my money, my time and my trust on him. In the end, all I have in return is only hurt and lies!!! The person who should go bail him is his gf!!! Why the fuck asked me to go? He knows I still cared and had feelings for him. Why he didn't tell me he's with another girl? He just made used of me till' I found out the truth. LIAR!!! He once said he loved me... What a lie!!! WHAT A FUCKING LIE!!!!! So are we still friends after all the lies and hurt he gave me? He think we could still be friends? He think I would still be friend him? Tell me how to??? This 12th August I will see him for the last time and after the court session, I'm going to tell him that we are no longer friends! If we ever met each other on the streets, please dun call me and dun tell anyone that we know each other or wad, just walk pass like strangers... just pretend that we have never know each other before!!! Just pretend the Amy he had slept before had never really exist. And for myself, I will pretend I've never known him before, he had never ever come into my life...
Everything should start afresh again!!! I am still myself, always single but never available and continue to be a player. I will shut my heart again! Men dun worth any bit for me to give my true feelings to them. Toys are always toys, they are not fit to talk about feelings to me.

2008-07-21T11:03:00.002+08:00

Rainie Yang 楊丞琳 - Jue Qiang 倔強

掘強

你曾说雨下的时候别低下头
要等候奇迹降落
我不懂曾想一起拥抱的彩虹
为什麽只剩下我
原来呀爱情是不会留下什麽
只留下残缺的我
能不能再把你的爱借点给我
好让我继续飘流
我的倔强疯狂无法逞强流浪
是否只剩一人在寂寞争吵
你的模样说谎眼光装傻躲藏
我逃亡

我的倔强迷惘去闯旁徨悲伤
是否应该不计一切去抵抗
你的模样不像遗忘飘荡摇晃
我投降

2008-07-21T10:51:00.001+08:00

一句一傷

要多少斑駁青苔才會入牆
多少雨你才會撐起紙傘

落花再亭外又依稀了幾番
流水送走呼喚我不忍想

風驚擾河岸也唏噓了垂楊
你低頭唏噓了那些過往

夕陽映屋簷斜照木格子窗
悠然的舊時光我卻黯然

一句一傷無話可講
你坐看緣分了斷
當意念已轉再多遺憾
也只是空談

一句一傷無話可講
我起身安靜拈香
我停止想像你的模樣
閉上眼倔強

2008-07-16T22:51:00.002+08:00

我们的爱过了就不再回来
直到现在我还默默的等待
当你开始追寻你要的自由
放开我们紧握的手
带走我的爱和天空
我不知所措我以为我会懂
我们的爱我们的爱
当我独自走到时间的尽头
回忆和我擦身而过
带走你的爱和笑容
我无力承受最后的一点心痛
我们的爱我们的爱
把爱放开把手放开
如果你的心已不在
把爱放开不再等待
你的温柔是一片空白
把爱放开把心打开
这次我决定走出回忆重来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
啊......
这次我决定走出所有回忆重来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
终于明白爱已不再
从今以后再也没有什么能去依赖
我还有什么期待

2008-07-15T00:56:00.002+08:00

I'm the most stupid person in this world!!!
Just now I happened to came across Friendster and guess wad I found out? His status is: In a relationship. I can't view his profile though as I've closed my account. When I'm with him, his status was always single!! Now he had another bitch with him and he change his status to "in a relationship". KNNBCCB! Den for wad fuck want me to go bail him and for wad fuck ask me for loan? NBCB! FOR WAD FUCK STILL ASK ME TO DRINK LESS? ASK YOUR FUCKING GF TO GIVE YOU MONEY LA, ASK THAT BITCH TO GO BAIL YOU... WHY THE HELL WANNA MAKE USE OF ME? NBCCB! I wished him bad luck for the rest of his life, he'll not going to have a peaceful and smooth life. I wished that wadever he do in this life he will failed miserable!　Ｔｈａｎｋｓ　ｆｏｒ　ｃｈｅａｔｉｎｇ　ｍｅ！　Ｉ　ｈｏｐｅ　ｙｏｕ＇ｌｌ　ｓｕｆｆｅｒ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｒｅｓｔ　ｏｆ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｌｉｆｅ！　Ｕｎｌｅｓｓ　Ｉ　ｆｏｒｇｉｖｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｉｆ　ｎｏｔ，　ｉ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｃｏｎｔｉｎｕｅ　ｔｏ　ｃｕｒｓｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｉｎ　ｍｙ　ｅｖｅｒｙｄａｙ　ｌｉｆｅ．
Ａｎｄ　Ｉ＇ｍ　ｓｏｒｒｙ，　Ｉ　ＷＩＬＬ　ＮＯＴ　ＦＯＲＧＩＶＥ　Ａ　ＢＡＳＴＵＲＤ　ＷＨＯ　ＭＡＤＥ　ＵＳＥ　ＯＦ　ＭＥ！　ＳＯ　Ｉ　ＳＴＩＬＬ　ＷＩＳＨ　ＹＯＵ　ＴＯ　ＳＵＦＦＥＲ．　ＹＯＵ　ＷＩＬＬ　ＮＥＶＥＲ　ＳＵＣＣＥＥＤ　ＩＮ　ＴＨＩＳ　ＬＩＦＥ！

2008-07-10T23:56:00.003+08:00

Today I went to the station with him... And ya, I bail him out. Nothing very serious about his case. It's about a summon he didn't pay and Town council put him under warrant arrest.
As I expected, he will tell me thanks... He said he'll pay me back the money he owed. Like I've said, pay me back the money but still indebted to me. Plus today I bail him out, total he'll owe me 3 favors which I dun think he could return me in this life time. The moment when I saw him, I dunno why I just can't bring myself to look at him when he talk to me. He's just sitting next to me but I couldn't feel his existence anymore. All the while, I just kept quiet. I only talked when I needed to answer his questions. Sometimes I dunno why I would cry... I dunno is it because of him or I'm lost in my life again or I have a family but it seems that I'm alone or I'm suffering from depression? I only know I feel sad... very sad... Dunno when my life will just end and stop the pain.
I really wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again. But I'm sleeping lesser and lesser each day. I think I need to see a doctor to get some sleeping pills. If one day I die, will anyone feel sad for me? I think from today onwards, I will pray to cut short my life. Being alive is really torturing, every min, every second is suffering for me. No one understand me, even I myself dunno wad is wrong with me. Why am I feeling this way? Why my eyes dun listen to me and keep on crying? WHY? WHY? Wad am I crying for? Why I become like this? Those basturds who've made me to become like this shall get my curse! I'm cursing everyone of them and unless I could be happy again, all of them shall not lead a smooth life. I MEAN IT! IF THOSE BASTURDS THINK IT CAN'T BE TRUE, LET'S WAIT AND SEE WAD KIND OF MISFORTUNATE WILL BEFALL ON THEM.

2008-07-08T18:46:00.003+08:00

I've transfered 80bucks to him and I told him I could only loan him that as I need to pay my credit bills. He just replied me, “Ok.. Thankx.." Sounds like I'm the one who owe him money. Nb!
Haiz, forget it... He's a total disappointment like wad his mum said.

Just now I was watching a dvd, name of the movie is Crows Zero.

This movie was power la! Hooo... Love those guys in there... everyone of them was so cool and man! The fighting and gang clash scenes were power sia!! It's a very meaningful movie actually...
I think it can teach a guy how to be a man, how to be a true gangsta, how to gain respect and wad is brotherhood. As I always heard guys telling me this or that is my brother la or wadsoever. But I doubt those guys know the true meaning behind brotherhood. In this century or maybe is only local guys, brothers are to be betrayed. People will always bring a motive with them when they are kind to you. Never trust anyone around you, not even your closest kin. Who knows they might bring harm to you just because of money. People around me are too fake to be trusted.

2008-07-08T13:33:00.004+08:00

This morning I slept @ 7am and just now woke up @ around 12pm plus.
Checked on my phone and found out that he dropped me 3 sms... I was thinking why he suddenly so kind will sms me while on his way to work. Guess wad? He wanna borrow money la! Nb! No wonder so kind towards me. Anyway, this will be the last fucking time I'm going to lend him the money even though I know I will not get it back. Just like Shalene, I'm doing a super silly thing now. He said he needs 150 bucks for his transportation to work and I know he's lying! He said he will return the money to me by the end of month and I know that's VERY HARD la. The previous time he also said he'll return when I told him, "Never mind, you dun have to, just dun borrow money from me again. " (That was when he still with me)
Money is not a big issue, is the favour that he's asking. He can return the money to me but he'll owe me 2 favours forever. From the way he's treating me, comfirm he'll kena my curse. Is not that I wanna curse him, is that curse had already set default long time ago.
Haiz, I replied him that I will transfer 80 to him first, the other half will be tomorrow. I'm still thinking if I should transfer him the other amount tomorrow. Maybe I'll just find an excuse and tell him I could only lend him 80bucks. To me, our relationship is only worth that much only. Any amount exceed 80, I gotta rethink about it. He still owe me another 80bucks which he said he'll return. I shall wait and see how he's gonna treat me, how he's gonna return wad he owe me. Making use of my feelings towards him will bring him no good.

By the way, I bought a Psp from my brother. Which means I have a pink DS-lite and a lavender Psp now. Dun misunderstand that my Psp is pink, that pink color you see is the casing.

2008-07-08T03:31:00.006+08:00

如果我能回到从前，我会选择不认识你.
不是我后悔，是我不能面对没有你的结局。
因为彼此伤害过，不可以做朋友；
因为彼此相爱过，不可以做敌人。
所以，两个人成了最熟悉的陌生人。

Haiz.. at this hour I'm still awake. Tomorrow is my off day and I didn't go drink so can't sleep. I was thinking about him again. This coming Thurs will be meeting him, accompany him go to cantoment. I've taken an urgent leave just for him.
Kinda silly huh? Haiz, just take it that is for a friend's sake.
I know at the end of the day, he'll say thanks to me and forget about everything but I guess I'll be ok. I dun expect anything from him. If not, he'll kena my curse again... lolx
I understand that we are over le and he can't be as sweet as I first met him. I miss the days when he was so nice to me, unfortunately blissful days are always short. Losing him is not a bad thing either. At least I know I will never trust love again. He will be the first and last try I gave... I dun trust people, dun trust love, dun trust god, what's left for me to trust? I guess I could only go back to my loneliness...

2008-07-08T00:42:00.001+08:00

2008-07-08T00:09:00.000+08:00

面對愛情12星的心是啥做的

水瓶座——玻璃

瓶子本純淨，有著清爽透徹的玻璃心，只是愛了，知道早已吃定了他，所以從來叛逆，蠻橫無理，只在心裏熱愛。不明白為什麼要那樣去愛，以傷害來取代無處揮灑的熱情。是想被注意嗎，還是不傷害就不知道愛得深？瓶子摔碎了自己的心，用鋒利的玻璃渣刺痛著愛人和自己，深刻的痛感勾勒著刻骨銘心。最後，愛人走了，瓶子想重新開始，卻總是忘了自己最初的樣子。

金牛座——木頭

愛上了，就一頭紮進去，不管前方是刀山，將自己活生生的劈斷，還是火海，可以猛烈的燃燒殆盡，抑或是深不見底的汪洋，就這樣心甘情願的腐爛，牛牛的心看似冷漠，實際上卻是最無所顧忌的勇敢。只不過往往還有一種結局，牛牛離愛遠去，卻忘了將心清洗，殘餘的剩渣在心裏慢慢變質，最後發臭。牛牛發現，原來愛一個人，就是毀了原來的自己。

2008-07-06T23:42:00.002+08:00

当爱情受到伤害时，眼泪代表我的伤悲
当爱情随风而逝时，眼泪代表我的绝望
当我们不再流泪时，是不是已经不再相信爱情

I was @ Dreamers with Shalene and Kelly on Friday. Nothing interesting happened...
I really quit drinking le. Saving money now to go Hong Kong or maybe Bali/Phuket. I'm still looking for people to go with me. Lolz...
"M" had wanted me to stop drinking and save money together to go holiday. Too bad, the things I'm doing now comes too late. He no longer can accompany me... By the way, I think I have some kind of curse. The other day I was talking to Gabriel, saying that guys who left me will sure kena bad fortunate, especially those who indebted to me. Guess wad? I smsed "M" on Friday night, he told me he was in some kinda trouble. My few ex-bfs also kena this kind of bad fortunate before. But I've never ever cared about them. "M" was an exception, tears just trickled down again on Friday night while msging him. I miss him again... Grrrr... hate myself!
Haiz.. 我不想再相信爱情。 “我爱你” 只是用来哄对方上床的慌言，从来都不是真的。"我需要你” 才是我想听和要的。“I love you" = I love you but I can leave you too. As for "I need you", is for the one you can't leave.
Oh, an old man (I think he's my father age) wanted to offer me 2k for a night. Of coz I didn't ... Nb! He think he can buy me with money. So wad if he's rich? Knn... I AM NOT FOR SALE!

2008-07-06T22:50:00.002+08:00

你说对不起你不可以
像从前那样帮我遮雨
你拉开一大步距离
却又握紧我的手心
像告别一件最心爱的玩具

很想问问你怎么可以
轻易浪费了那铺陈的甜蜜
我是你美丽的伏笔
还是一笔带过的背景
可是这些问题就要失去意义

深呼吸忍住伤心
微笑着忍住伤心
恨不得一场阵雨
淹没你来去的痕迹

不忍心再为难你
不忍心再多说一句
只要你记住幸福的表情
我没关系

很想问问你怎么可以
轻易浪费了那铺陈的甜蜜
我是你美丽的伏笔
还是一笔带过的背景
可是这些问题就要失去意义

深呼吸忍住伤心
微笑着忍住伤心
恨不得一场阵雨
淹没你来去的痕迹

不忍心再为难你
不忍心再多说一句
只要你记住幸福的表情
我没关系

深呼吸忍住伤心
微笑着忍住伤心
恨不得一场阵雨
淹没你来去的痕迹

不忍心再为难你
不忍心再多说一句
只要你记住幸福的表情
我没关系

2008-07-06T22:33:00.003+08:00

一個很準的心理測試：按下面的步驟一步一步做，不要作弊，否則你的希望會落空（用３分鐘完成）發送這個留言的人說：她的願望在十分鐘內變成現實，記住：不要有欺騙行為。這個戲的結果非常有趣，注意：按順序往下讀，不能跳躍地往下讀（只要花３分鐘，值得一試）首先拿一枝筆和一張紙，當你在作出選擇時，如果是人物，保證是你認識的，無論是數字或名字都是第1直覺，每次向下移動一行──記住：不要跳行往下讀。
首先，在一列中寫下１到１１的號碼（即１、２、３、４、５、６、７、８、９、１０、１１）

一，在號碼１和２的旁邊，寫下你所想的任意兩個數字

1- 2
2-11

二、在號碼３和７的旁邊，寫下任意兩個異性的名字。（注意：不要跳躍的向下看，不要作弊哦）

3 -Match
7- Jeremy

三、在號碼４、５、６的旁邊，寫下朋友或親戚的名字幕（不要有欺騙行為）

4- Jon
5- Derek
6- Shalene

四、在號碼８、９、１０、１１的旁邊，寫下４首歌的名字。

8- 原谅我
9- 想听的话
10- 忍心
11- 累格

五、最後，許一個願。

結果：
１. 你必須把這個遊戲告訴給（號碼２旁邊寫下的數字）個人。
２. 號碼３是你所愛的人。
３. 號碼７是你所喜歡的但不能與之相伴的人。
４. 號碼４是你最關心的人。
５. 號碼５是非常瞭解你的人。
６. 號碼６是你重要的人。
７. 號碼８的歌適合號碼３的人。
８. 號碼９的歌適合號碼７的人。
９. 號碼１０的歌最能代表你的想法。
１０. 序號１１的歌是你對生活的感受。

2008-06-30T02:57:00.003+08:00

Everytime when I'm alone, I'll think of him. Tonight, it's raining.. While in cab, I sms him again.
Haiz... dunno why, I just can't help it. I know he'll ignore my message but still I sms him.
Sometimes I wonder, is it because I'm feeling lonely that's why I miss him or I'm really in love with him? 有时候真的很希望他还在我身边，而爱情其实不是一个传说。原来我什么都没有，我还是一无所有。。。

2008-06-26T21:25:00.004+08:00

Haiz... I dunno how to get him out of my mind.. Every morning when I open my eyes, the first thing that come to my mind is him. I dunno that I actually fall so deeply until I realized he had really left me. I thought I could let go easily but this time is harder than "J". I dun fall for anyone easily but why when I'm really in love with someone, eventually I will lose him in the end. Guess is really retribution. I've hurt too many ppl in my life and now is pay back time. I'm going to suffer from depresssion soon. I become more and more sad everyday... I sleep lesser and lesser, every now and then I'll wake up in the middle of my sleep. Haiz... I still gotta fake a smile to face the world.

睁开眼我的天空一片星海
还以为这里就是爱你的未来
为什么黑暗之中充满期待
却传来更多沉默的无奈
忘不了爱只剩下手心里的温度
才知道幸福只是短暂的幻影
我走在迷雾花园里寻找爱走过的记忆
半清醒半迷醉来去的痕迹
梦醒突然发现已经不是原来自己
一颗心徒留下错误的相遇
落花有意流水太无情
有缘相遇擦身又分离
琴声悠悠辗转到天明
最爱的人你在哪里

2008-06-26T16:04:00.003+08:00

Yuan Liang Wo 原谅我 - Jam (Hsiao) Xiao Jing Teng

原谅我
演唱：萧敬腾

请不要分了以後　
还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久　已不属於我
默默低头　那时我很多　
话哽在喉咙
你的笑你的快乐　
或许我爱太多想太多
我能感受　他比我适合
爱放了手　我伪装冷漠　
比你先说分手
请原谅我　原谅我不成熟
不爱你是藉口　好让你离开我
请原谅我　好想自私将你占有
你的寂寞就给我承受
换你过更好的生活
请不要分了以後　
还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久　已不属於我
默默低头　那时我很多　
话哽在喉咙
你的笑你的快乐　
或许我爱太多想太多
我能感受　他比我适合
爱放了手　我伪装冷漠　
比你先说分手
请原谅我　原谅我不成熟
不爱你是藉口　好让你离开我
请原谅我　好想自私将你占有
你的寂寞就给我承受
换你过更好的生活
爱过恨过哭过也笑过
亲吻过你的脆弱
其实我比谁都要懦弱
原谅我　必须假装爱错
别让时间逗留　我怕说不出口
原谅我　没有解释太多　心痛
别无所求　彻底忘了我
爱原来有舍得
我爱过　我才懂

2008-06-24T20:54:00.002+08:00

我很想把他的一切都忘了。我知道无论我怎么难过，他也不会知道也不会再在乎。
My friends said, "if he care, he'll come look for you no matter how busy is his job. He doesn't worth you to be sad or do anything for him."
Why he dun care anymore? If you love someone, would you use job as an excuse to ignore him/her? I really dun understand why? Why like that? If he just tell me he fall for another person or wad so ever, I will not be so sad... But he didn't even bother to tell me anything... Didn't even bother... He just left me to guess... 原来他真的不在乎，就连我不见了，他也没察觉到。

2008-06-24T20:48:00.006+08:00

Pictures I took recently @ Dreamers

2008-06-23T19:10:00.002+08:00

I deleted my friendster profile and off my cell phone. I need to get away from everyone for a while... I couldn't tolerate the pain. Even when I breathe, my heart hurts. For the time being, I will quit drinking and hide myself at home. This time round, I dunno how long will it takes for the pain to go away. He nearly kills me... I nearly die... My mum was worry about me. She asked if I'm ok? I wanted to tell her I'm dying bit by bit inside but I didn't. I just lie and said I am ok. Every breath that I take, my heart hurts like crazy. I can't believe that I even cry in my sleep. I thought I could pretend that it doesn't hurt but the pain grows every single day till' I can no longer fake it. I really dun want "Love" anymore... It always hurt me like crazy, this time it almost want my life.

2008-06-23T11:14:00.002+08:00

The pain that my heart feel is getting stronger till' every morning when I wake up, I found out that I'm actually crying while sleeping. And now, tears just keeping running in my eyes while I'm at work. The pain, I really can't bear it anymore. I have this feeling that I'm going to lost myself very soon again. I took 4 years to find myself back and yet I'm going to lost it again. I wanted so much to die now so that the pain will go away. I guess I shouldn't have trust that he love me in the frist place. Hahaha... I shouldn't have let myself to fall into another trap. "I love you", what a bloody lie! A lie that could always kill me, yet I allow it to do so once again. The moment I wake up, I cry again! That pain, that heartache hurt so much.
Can someone tell me when will the pain go away? I really can't bear it anymore...
I cancel my friendster account le. I really feel like dying. The pain is killing me!
我的心很痛，痛到我无法忍受。一睁开眼睛就能感觉到心碎的痛。我快不行了，真的快死掉了。我不要难过，不要一睡醒就哭。。。心要痛到什么时候才会停？什么时候眼泪才能不流？我真的很难过，很难过。。。

2008-06-19T21:09:00.003+08:00

Today I'm kinda surprise that he dropped quite a few sms to me. Maybe he can sense that I'm sick of the way he treat me. Ever since that Sunday, I dun really bother anymore.
Tomorrow is Friday again!!! Yeah... Going to Dreamers for my addiction again. Lolz...
Anyway if he will to ask me go his place on Saturday, I dun think I will go. Since he like me to stay home so much, I'll be very glad to go home. Hur hur... I dun miss him anymore and dun have the "feel" to see him. Haiz... he's the one who made me sian so can't blame me for feeling that way. Sometimes my instinct tells me that he's hiding something from me and by the way his friendster status is still single! I think he can continue to stay single le. I'm really sick of it le!!!!!!
Just now before coming home I bought 2 pairs of new heels! Chio... As usual they are in black. :P

2008-06-17T21:01:00.002+08:00

It's going to be half a month since I last see him.
Last Sunday was his off day... I thought he would meet up with me but he didn't. In the end, had a little fight with him thru sms. I think I'm going to give up on him soon. After that Sunday, I tell myself to forget it. No point clinging on and make myself upset every time because of him when he would only said "Wad did I do wrong again?" or "I dunno wad's going on with you". He always blame me on my drinking, "Why drink again?"
I have decided to drink whenever I want to and I'm not going to pay the debt he left in the bar too.
Dun expect me to stay home when he dun even have time for me. I'm totally disappointed when he told me he dunno wad's up with me and he's going to sleep. He made me feel that he totally doesn't care how I felt, he just wanna go sleep. I'm very very upset by the sms he sent me on Sunday.
What's the point of sending me another sms in the middle of the night telling me sorry?? I've given up... Since he's so busy and I'm such a pain to him, I'm not going to bother him again.
"I love you" is such a bull shit!!!
I guess when the day he would finally be free for me, I'm already gone... ...

2008-06-12T21:31:00.002+08:00

I dunno if I'm still in a relationship or not... lols Kinda confused...
He still sms me like before but not that frequent anymore and we no longer talk to each other on phone. His friendster status is still single, never changed.
I asked him if he had gave up on me, he told me he hadn't... He just dun wan me to keep on drinking. I told him I'll settle the bills he left in the bar，so for the time being I'll stop drinking.
Does it worth to give up drinking for him? I really dunno...
This weekend I had no intentions of going out too. Just wanna go back home after my work.
Derek called me but I really had no mood to talk to anyone or entertain anyone at this moment. I just wanna be alone again. I can lock myself at home like how I did it for 2 years. Nobody will be able to contact me till' I decided I'm able to. He said he dunno why I would felt that I'm a substitute. I wanted to tell him because he made me felt that way but I guess he will not understand so I didn't explain. I guess at this point of time if I just disappear, he'll not care either. We're drifting further and further away from each other... If this goes on, sooner or later I'll used to being alone again.。。
他还是不是我的缘分？

2008-06-08T07:54:00.001+08:00

Start： 04 May 2008
End: 08 June 2008

Now is 5:30am in the morning and I can't sleep...
He said he put in love into our relationship but why I feel that I'm just a substitute of his ex-gf?
I found out that 02 October 2007, his ex-gf drop him a comment in friendster saying
"Happy anniversary Silly. Hope we'll have more & more anniversary to come. I love you...:) Muackxx..."
21 April 2008, his ex-gf drop him a last comment in friendster.
03 May 2008 was the first time held my hands when we were in Dragonfly.
04 May 2008 was the day when we were officially together.
02 June 2008, he smsed me, "Darlin, happy 1 month. looking for more to come..."

Actually I dun care about his e-gf's stuffs... but the days he want me to stay at home and the conversation between me & him made me go thru' his friendster profile. I've wanted to change my status to "attached", yet I found out that his status was single. So I go thru' all his comments he received. It's hurting that I felt I'm just a life buoy to him in this relationship. Before I sank deeper into this shit, I ended it. (since I haven't seen him for the whole week might as well dun see anymore) Maybe he really did love me... Maybe I'm not suitable to be attached... I guess I'll choose to continue running away...
I'm trying to learn how to love someone and yet the things I see made me felt that I shouldn't have.
If is meant to be, no matter wad, we'll still be together. 勉强是没有幸福的。。。
He wants me to be good, quit drinking and stay home when he's busy and can't be with me...
I hate the loneliness I felt whenever I came home. I hate being alone and emotional...
I'm putting on a fucking fake mask, pretending to be happy and cheerful. I thought when I'm with him I could be me but I'm wrong... I still gotta continue wearing that fucking mask.
In my life, I'm always running away from problems. I dun have the courage to face unhappiness... I really dun like to quarrel... Why can't we have no fights in our life? Why cannot have no fights? Why must there be unhappiness? I wanted to erase everything and start all over again but is not possible. There will always be a mark in the heart.
How I wish I could forget everything... Haiz...
Dui De Ren - Dai Ai Ling

你问在我心中
是否还苦恼
那次受伤
否决了爱的好
谢谢你的关照
我一切都好
一个人不算困扰那次流过的泪
让我学习到
如何祝福如何转身不要
在眼泪体会到
与自己拥抱
爱不是一种需要是一种对照爱虽然很美妙
却不能为了寂寞
又陷了泥沼爱要耐心等待
仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手
等候一次
真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上
我相信在世界上
一定会遇到
对的人出现在眼角
对的人出现能愿意为了一份爱付出去多少
然后得到多少并不计较
当我想清楚的时候
我就算已经准备好
放手去爱
海阔天高
喔---耶----

2008-06-08T07:48:00.002+08:00

My birth chart and is so true...

Your birth chart interpretation is based on the positions of the planets at the time of your birth. For the benefit of students of astrology, these positions, along with other technical information, are listed below:
Sun position is 22 deg. 02 min. of Aquarius
Moon position is 3 deg. 50 min. of Aquarius
Mercury position is 26 deg. 27 min. of Capricorn
Venus position is 15 deg. 42 min. of Pisces
Mars position is 19 deg. 25 min. of Pisces
Jupiter position is 7 deg. 59 min. of Sagittarius
Saturn position is 4 deg. 26 min. of Scorpio
Uranus position is 8 deg. 41 min. of Sagittarius
Neptune position is 28 deg. 35 min. of Sagittarius
Pluto position is 29 deg. 30 min. of Libra
Asc. position is 11 deg. 15 min. of Cancer
MC position is 12 deg. 43 min. of Aries
2nd cusp position is 9 deg. 32 min. of Leo
3rd cusp position is 10 deg. 14 min. of Virgo
5th cusp position is 14 deg. 17 min. of Scorpio
6th cusp position is 13 deg. 27 min. of Sagittarius
Capricorn on 7th house cusp
You are emotional, sensitive, domestic and extremely self-protective. Your relationship with your parents was not balanced in that you were far more affected by your mother than you were by your father. You unconsciously seek your father's qualities in a partner.
The people you are close to are well-organized, ambitious and, at times, a bit melancholy. They give your life structure and take care of you practically and materially (not necessarily financially) the way you take care of them emotionally. You create a nest.
You are a nurturing, loving, parenting person who likes to take care of people. You try to create an emotionally safe space for your partner to enable the sharing of inner needs and longings that people outside the home would never suspect. Privacy makes the relationship special for you.
Your partners usually require a good deal of attention. They are often serious people and sometimes rather depression-prone. They tend to be ambitious and successful but not very expressive emotionally. They may require more understanding than they give.

Moon in 7th
Your self-image (particularly as a young person) is so closely tied up with your perception of the way others view you, you can be quite chameleon-like in adapting to that perception, allowing others to relate to their own projections and not your needs.
As you mature and become less self-protective emotionally, you expose your needs and feelings with less anxiety and enjoy close, nurturing relationships with those who encourage you to express your feelings, not mask them. You could succeed in public life.

Mercury in 7th
You love good conversation, frequent change of surroundings and a stimulating environment. You tend to draw people - often a good deal younger than you - who are extremely verbal and share your many interests. Personal ties may develop through your work.
Your close ties are usually with professional people. They may also be creative in business or the arts, requiring them to speak or write for the public. Your relationships are often marked by frequent letter-writing and telephone calls and traveling.

Saturn, Ruler of 7th house, is in 4th:
Your intimate relationships are impacted more by what you saw of your parents' relationship than most people. In your household, your mother's influence was powerful While your father was frequently absent either emotionally or physically. This imbalance left you with a yearning for a stable home shared with a perfect mate and, at the same time, a concern about its ever happening. That concern could manifest unconsciously in an inclination to choose the wrong people so that the relationship could not last or, more likely, allow your abandonment anxieties to seep into the relationship, building the very walls you dread.
In time, you may outgrow this simultaneous fear of being alone and fear of dependency. You may learn that losing a relationship can hurt but not destroy. In fact, sometimes good things grow out of bad situations. When something long-feared actually occurs and you survive, you find that your usual defenses -- which tend to keep out the good as well as the bad -- are no longer needed. You can risk intimacy and allow yourself to connect with someone who can commit in a relationship that can work.

Moon Square Saturn with an orb between 1/2 and 1 degree
You don't have as much self-confidence as you appear to have. You long for love and affection but have never felt, since childhood, that you could have it, simply by being. You feel you have to earn it in some way. You like close ties to need and depend on you.

Moon SemiSquare Mars with an orb of less than 1 degree
Your love-hate relationship with your mother has led to an emotional ambivalence in current close ties. You are, at once, very needy and very angry about your neediness. This may make you somewhat cantankerous at times. You are very quick-tempered.

Mars Sesquiquadrate Saturn with an orb of less than 1 degree
Your emotional needs were not met when you were growing up and there was nothing you could do about it. Even today, you tend not to express anger or pain or resentment except when you are in an infrequent rage. This is a problem in close relationships.

Venus Conjunct Mars with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees
Yours was not a happy childhood and, while there is nothing you want more than a close love relationship, you may also fear it. You probably have an active sex life but may have some discomfort acknowledging feelings of love, dependence or vulnerability.

Moon Square Pluto with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees
You had an over-controlling parent and something inside of you decided that no one else would ever have that kind of control over you again. You tend to repress your deepest feelings and fears and are surprised when close ties suggest you're manipulative.

Mercury Square Pluto with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees
You're not awfully good at being disagreed with. You delve into matters, think them through thoroughly and expect your conclusions to be universally shared. Flexibility is not your strong suit. No one should try to lie to you or keep things from you. Somehow you ferret out others' secrets although you keep your own.

Venus Trine Asc. with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees
You are personally attractive with a natural charm which tends to draw people to you. Your native courtesy tends to make others assume that you share their values even when this isn't quite the case. You are unusually sensitive to others' appearance.

Jupiter Trine MC with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees
When you were little, your teachers liked you and when you grew up, your employers liked you. You tend to approach all relationships both personal and professional with an easy assurance. It is important to you that close ties enjoy society's approval.

Uranus Trine MC with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees
It's never been possible for you to live according to anyone else's timetable. For that reason, you prefer to work for yourself and make your own rules. In order for you to sustain a close, personal tie, you must find someone as independent as you are.

Moon Sextile Jupiter with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees
You are comfortable with yourself. You were well taken care of as a child and it left you with the pleasant security that it would always be so. You exude this quality and people who are considerably less secure feel better just by being in your presence.

Moon Sextile Uranus with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees
Your close personal relationships are marked by a sense of comradeship, friendship and a mutual respect for each other's need for independence. Once a relationship is established, you don't require constant contact and reassurance. Space enhances the tie.

Moon Conjunct Mercury with an orb between 5 and 8 degrees
You're sensitive and perceptive and in touch with your feelings. No matter how difficult a situation is, you feel you can deal with it if you can understand it. Someone who is less emotionally self-aware or expressive would make you feel uncomfortable. You like to discuss everything. Feelings that aren't acknowledged can't be discussed.

Mercury Square Saturn with an orb between 5 and 8 degrees
You are a serious person and inclined to be somewhat inflexible in your thinking. Since you tend to be rather judgmental, you could only be happy with someone who is in philosophical agreement with you and conceptualizes the world as you do. Sometimes you are rather taciturn.

Venus Square Jupiter with an orb between 5 and 8 degrees
You may be overly self-indulgent and inclined toward excesses of eating, drinking, sex or anything which gives you pleasure. You would not be comfortable with someone who was too reserved. You can be quite extravagant both emotionally and financially.

Venus Square Uranus with an orb between 5 and 8 degrees
You need to be close and you need to be free. This is a major life conflict which has always created complications for you in close personal relationships. One manifestation of this may be a tendency to pursue the unavailable or the unreliable.

Sun Trine Pluto with an orb between 5 and 8 degrees
Power struggles plague your relationships. Either you become the dominant partner out of a fear of being controlled or you become very passive, controlling indirectly through guilt or manipulation. Your father may have been emotionally abusive to you.

Saturn Trine Asc. with an orb between 5 and 8 degrees
You were not encouraged to be overly expressive when you were a child and as an adult still tend to be somewhat reserved. You often give the impression of being serious or even stern when, in truth, you are simply feeling shy or self-protective.

Sun does not aspect Moon
Your parents' interests and emotional natures, while not in violent conflict, were so different it was hard to understand how they ever came together. You associate close relationships with both longing and loneliness and may be unclear about roles.

Sun does not aspect Asc.
People do not receive an accurate first impression of you. Owing to shyness or lack of confidence, you have cultivated a persona which is not expressive of the person you experience yourself to be. This creates complications in personal relationships.

2008-04-29T19:16:00.011+08:00

Went to Dreamers again yesterday because Jonathan ask me down... Dunno why I will only entertain his request, haiz... Usually when Gabriel or Stanley msg me to go down, I will just push away. I finally know how old is Jonathan... He told me he's 23 this year, younger than me by 2 years. Guess wad? He's same age as "J" and both of their name start with J. WTF!!! Yesterday he ask if he could be my god brother as I treat my brother so well, everything also buy for him. Or BF better? Then Gabriel said I'm a very good GF, be my Bf better... Lolz I didn't answer him, I just smile and said nothing. Be my Bf confirm very fortunate, far better than being my brother.
I buy things for my brother is because I got no Bf to buy for, my brother is just lucky than I had no Bf.

Here's some photo I took during last 2 weeks while drinking with them... But no photos of Jonathan as he busy flirting with other girls.

With Guo Qiang and I'm drunk... hahaha

I forgot wad's his name... so sorry

Stanley - they call him boss

Stanley look like a drug addict...

smoking session...

Gabriel is not photogenic lo...

2008-04-17T00:24:00.002+08:00

Recently dunno wad the fuck happen to my complexion! Grrr... Spots keeping appearing and leave marks behind! NBCB! I'm super angry when my face give me problems!
I guess I need to detox my body system... Waste money and can't go drink!!! KNN!
Face like that how to go out?? Wa law eh! Super frustrated lo!

2008-04-12T01:29:00.002+08:00

Past few days I was feeling damn down! On M.C for 2 days just to hide from the world...
I suddenly feel kinda lost! I dunno wad I want from life anymore. I thought I wanted to fall in love with someone but it seems so impossible and so difficult to do so. In fact, I dun really need that too. Maybe I'm just feeling lonely so the thought of having someone with me would be nice or I simply hate to sleep lonely! I'm really sick of living! I'm sick of all the emotions that run in me everyday! Can someone just end this miserable life for me?
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................

A few meaningful quotes I found in SG club forum:

•
誓言不过是一句廉价的承诺！

•
爱不来，我们期待，爱离开，我们无奈，向前走，路不平坦，往后看，谁在身边？

•
我总是忘记自己对自己的承诺,日复一日的自我催眠

•
首先是爱情使你忘记时间，然后是时间使你忘记爱情。

•
放弃一个很爱你的人，并不痛苦 
放弃一个你很爱的人，那才痛苦.. 
爱上一个不爱你的人，那是更痛苦

•
有些失去是注定的，有些缘分是永远不会有结果的 
爱一个人不一定就能拥有 
可，我就是抹不去你在我心中留下的点点滴滴

•
喜欢一个人，失去了，就像丢掉自己心爱的物品 
虽然遗憾，但是不会痛 
爱一个人，失去了，就会留下一个伤口 
永远都会隐隐的痛

•
在窗前感觉就算世界少了我其实也无所谓我想像个傻子一样笑着过一天

•
如果我只是你偶然的想念，我宁愿你从不曾想念过我。

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有人告诉我鱼的记忆只有7秒。7秒之后它就不记得过去的事情，一切又都变成新的。所以那小小的鱼缸里它永不觉得无聊，因为7秒一过每一个游过的地方又变成了新天地。我宁愿是鱼，7秒一过就什么都忘记。曾经遇到的人，曾经做过的事，就都可以烟消云散。

•
不是每一个人都如你想象的那样美好，不是每一个人都如你想象的那样浪漫，你流泪你感动，只因为你爱上了自己的故事，我听见了生命生硬地转动时咔嚓咔嚓掉屑的声音，我的生命在不断磨合中渐渐损伤。

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温暖是奢侈的东西，奢侈到需要很深的寒冷和疼痛才能体现，可是彻骨的寒冷，会让人绝望```` ``

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世界任何一个角落，都能容下你，却都不会在乎你。
世界上的每个人，都可能成为你的朋友，也有可能与你反目。

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就让一切归位，我回到原地，不再向前跨一步，

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我放手并不代表我放弃,我微笑并不代表我快乐...

"Forget The Times You Walked By, Forget The Times You've Made Me Cry,
Forget The Time You Held My Hand, Forget The Sweet Things If I Can,
I Can No Longer Pretend, I Have To Remember Now That You're Just A Friend"

"Forget the times he walked by, Forget the times he made you cry,
Forget the times he spoke your name, Remember now you're not the same.
Forget the times he held your hand, Forget the sweet things if you can,
Forget the times & Don't pretend, Remember now he's just your friend."

"I dont miss him, I miss who I thought he was"

"If this is goodbye,
don't come back
if this is the end,
don't wake me up."

2008-04-04T00:14:00.003+08:00

All about Me! I'm a typical Aquarian!!

The AQUARIUS Woman
But Alice had got so much into the -way

of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen

that it seemed quite dull and stupid

for life to go on in the common way ...

Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea- And welcome Queen Alice with thirty times three!

The safest way to enter into romance with an Aquarian female is to remember she's as paradoxical in love as she is in everything else. That way, you won't be expecting Priscilla Alden and get Pocahontas.

This girl has all the faithfulness of the fixed signs when die's in love, but she also has the detachment and lack of emotion of the air element. It's possible to have a happy relationship with the Uranus woman if you leave her free to pursue her myriad interests and circulate among her friends. Never try to tie her to the stove or the bedpost. Ask the man who's tried. She can suddenly decide to study ballet, meditate in the mountains or join the Peace Corps. Remember the story of the princess with the long, golden hair who lived high in a tower? That's the Aquarius female. Cutting off her flowing tresses won't change her any more than it did in the fairy tale. She dreams different dreams than you or I. She hears a distant drummer-and follows a star most of us have never seen.

She belongs to everyone, and yet to no one. Her love can be tender and inspired, but there will always be a vaguely elusive quality about it, like a half-remembered song. You can hum the melody, but the lyrics keep slipping away. The Aquarian girl's demand for freedom is insistent, but her allegiance to anyone who can accept romance within such limits is boundless. Here's something you'll like:

She won't be terribly interested in your bank book (unless Cancer or Capricorn or Taurus is on her ascendant). Money is never the prime consideration of the typical Aquarian woman. She won't care if you're not the richest man in town, but she'll expect you to be respected in some way for your intellectual achievements. Dr. Christian Bamard and his heart transplants or Wemher von Braun and his rockets interest her far more than J. Paul Getty and his billions.

When you set out to catch this butterfly in your net, remember that she'll never spend her unpredictable life with a man who isn't true to himself. Her own code of ethics may be as weird as anything you've ever come across, and quite different from the accepted codes of society, but she lives up to it totally. She'll understand that your rules may also be highly individual. That's fine with her, but don't compromise those rules. If you're looking for a passion flower, you've picked the wrong daisy. Passion is not her forte if she's a typical Aquarian. She'll think physical love is pleasant enough, if it's not overemphasized. In other words, she can take it or leave it alone. Uranus females can respond to lovemaking with a haunting, deep intensity, but if you prefer to keep it platonic for long periods of time, that's all right, too. Like all Aquarians, she may have an unconscious fear that desire for one person will imprison the spirit in some way, and keep her from being true to her one great love-freedom. Freedom to experiment and investigate and freedom to give time to humanity. Also freedom to pursue her rather kicky, off-beat fancies.

She's an ideal girl if you're planning a political, scientific or educational career. You couldn't do better, unless you happen to run across an Aquarian girl with adverse planetary positions in her natal chart who enjoys shocking people by walking barefoot down Main Street or smoking big black cigars on buses. There are some pretty wild, way-out Uranian females here and there. But the average girl born under the sign of the water bearer is a social delight. She's graceful, witty, bright as a penny, and extremely adaptable to all forms of society, high and low and in the middle.

Her lack of suspicion under normal circumstances is a special bonus. A traveling salesman should find his dream girl in the typical Aquarian female. If she actually catches you being unfaithful, it will cause a deep wound to her sensitive nature. You'll know it the minute you look into those strange, dreamy eyes. But she won't suspect you without cause, and she'll rarely doubt your word. The typical Uranus woman will never check up on you after you leave, phone you at the office, inspect your handkerchiefs for lipstick stains or look for blonde hairs caught in your cuff link. Deception will have to be brought forcibly to her attention; she won't go out looking for it. Before you give her too much credit, consider that her lack of passionate jealousy is due to something more than strength of character. First of all, she probably dissected your psyche under a microscope before she gave you a second glance. Besides, she has so many outside interests and so many people who turn her on to talk with, there's not much time for her to worry about what you're doing when you're out of sight. Out of sight can often mean out of mind for Aquarians of both sexes. Absence seldom makes the Uranus heart grow fonder. Occasionally, an Aquarian woman will suffer a promiscuous or flirtatious mate, because there's something she needs which she can find only with him, so she looks the other way. On the other hand, if she doesn't really need you, that moral strength will work in reverse at the first actual proof of infidelity. Shell simply walk away. Don't try to kindle the embers, they're stone cold dead. Of course, you can still be friends. Why not?

She's willing. It never embarrasses an. Aquarian girl to be chummy with ex-lovers or husbands. She's forgotten the past and wiped the slate clean of memories.

There is one peculiar and notable exception to the rule. Like the Uranus man, the Uranian female will remember the first true and honest love for a lifetime. Only the first, however. Are you wondering whether that Aquarius girl you once knew still remembers you? The answer lies in her definition of love. It could have something to do with the first boy who gave her a bunch of sweet peas when she was nine-the boy who walked her through the park in the rain-or the one with the funny ears who knew the clown at the circus, and used to feed her peanuts.

Uranus women involved in extra-marital affairs are rare. They can be tempted in exceptional situations, but a dishonest relationship goes against their chemistry. It won't be long until an undercover romance is broken off for good. Yet, there are many Aquarian divorcees. There's a reason. If a situation becomes intolerable, the Uranian nature turns cold suddenly. They can disappear overnight, and never look back. They don't seek or enjoy divorce, but it isn't the shock to them it is to their more sentimental sisters. Uranus rules change, you know. Since she's such an individualist, with a list of friends several miles long, the Aquarian female never hesitates to make her way alone if the need arises.

Expect her to probe into your heart until you haven't a secret left, or a dream that hasn't been analyzed. But don't try to dissect her private thoughts. That's not the way the game is played with Aquarians. She'll keep her motives hidden, and sometimes take a perverse pleasure in deliberately confusing you. She'll usually be truthful to a fault, but remember, with an Aquarian, telling a lie is one thing. Refraining from telling the whole story is another.

It's comforting to know that an Aquarian girl is pretty cagey with a buck. That is, it's comforting to know unless you're planning to hit her for a loan. She might say yes a time or two, but if you let your credit rating slip, she can be colder than the guy at the bank when you skip your car payment. On the rare occasions when she accepts a small loan herself, you'll get back every penny with no stalling, excuses or feminine wiles, if she's a typical Uranus female. As for every man's nightmare of charge accounts, you'll have little worry on that score. Aquarian women are uncomfortable about owing money. Bad debts don't fit in with the Uranus code.

Her appearance is puzzling. Most Aquarian women are lovely, with a haunting, wistful beauty. But they're changeable. They can give an impression of smooth whipped cream, then suddenly switch to salty pizza as quickly as a bright, blue, zig-zag bolt of Uranian electricity. Next to Ubrans, Aquarian females are often the most beautiful women in the zodiac. At the very least, they're interesting-looking. The Aquarian manner of dressing can stop you dead in your tracks. There are a few of them who could grace the cover of a fashion magazine, but the average Aquarian girl is anything but conventional about her costumes. She can wear some outfits a gypsy would envy, and her naked individuality can produce some mighty unique combinations. She'll usually be the first to wear a new fad, no matter how zany it is, yet she can also stick to Grandma's styles-even great-grandma's styles. With typical - Aquarian indifference, she'll mix yesterday's lace snood with today's metallic jump suit, and the effect can be a little startling. She'll wear her lace nightgown to a formal banquet, ostrich feathers to the supermarket, bell bottom slacks to the opera, sneakers to the theater, diamonds when she visits the zoo-and top it all off with a faded Mother Hubbard she picked up in a thrift shop.

Your Aquarian girl will probably have an unusual way of wearing her hair. Her tresses are as unpredictable as her personality. They can be worn braided, pig-tailed, pinned in a bun, flowing down like a waterfall, short as a marine's, in Mary Pickford curls or as straight as a poker. One thing you can depend on. Her hair won't look like the hair of any other female on this planet.

A conversation with her can be remarkable, to say the least. She has charming manners, and usually behaves in a timid, almost reserved way. Then comes one of those sudden Uranus urges, and out will pop a remark with absolutely no relation to what anyone is saying. You'll be talking about the fluctuations of the stock market, and she'll interrupt out of nowhere with: "Did you know that Woodrow Wilson, Jack Kennedy, Herbert Hoover, Harry Truman, Calvin Coolidge, Benjamin Harrison, Franklin and Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley all have double letters in their names?" There's only one way to answer a question like that. Tell her she missed Millard

Fillmore, Ulysses Grant and Thomas Jefferson. Then gently, but firmly, lead the discussion back to the stock market. Other minds may progress in fairly logical steps, but hers rigs into tomorrow, then zags back into today with no more sense of direction than a flash of lightning. Now and then she'll toss off an unexpectedly poignant phrase. You'll ask her what she thinks of space travel and she'll answer, "When I was a little girl, I thought the stars were holes in the floor of heaven where the light shone through." If she's in a different mood, you'll say that melted snowmen make you sad, and shell counter with: "A melted snowman is just a pile of slush, Charlie." First misty-then practical. First timid-then rowdy. Aquarian women will rudely ridicule flying saucers, then tell you a story about a polka-dotted elf on a windowsill. Never talk down to an Aquarian female. She'll resent not being considered your equal, and an unsympathetic attitude will cause her to retreat and become unapproachable.

Since Uranus rules the future, you might imagine that these girls would be natural mothers. Children do, after all, belong to the future. But the average Aquarian woman may be bewildered by motherhood in the beginning. She has to adjust to devoting all her attention and energy exclusively to one human being for a period of time, when she's used to spreading herself far and wide, and this can take some practice. Her natural aloofness may make it difficult for her to demonstrate warm affection outwardly. The typical Aquarian mother is devoted to her offspring, but also somewhat detached toward them. But shell probably be the most willing PTA worker in the neighborhood. She'll talk happily for hours with their small friends on their own level without patronizing them, and she'll give up her afternoons to work for a school project. The children will learn the lessons of brotherhood and humanity from her by observation. Aquarian mothers are never fiercely protective of their children. They take a tolerant view of the most startling confession. A Uranus woman will seldom punish a child for telling the truth, no matter what he's done. With her unprejudiced viewpoint, she'll gain the complete confidence of her little ones. She's great at reassuring young minds about everything from monsters hiding under the bed to the pain of being ignored in the playground. She can turn their tears to laughter in minutes. Your children will find her jolly fun, a little helter-skelter, relaxed about housework, helpful with homework and gentle when they're ill. She won't smother them with affection, and she'll seldom nag. Maybe Tommy didn't wash his hands the third time he was told, but she's more interested in what he learned in science class.

We may be a little ahead of ourselves. Even though Uranus likes to reverse the existing orders of things, before your Aquarian girl becomes a mother she has to become a wife. And before she becomes your wife, you'll have to convince her that marriage isn't synonymous with Al-catraz. She won't exactly rush into matrimony. She's in no hurry to take your name until she's weighed you, sorted you, tested you, and found out what makes you tick. The opinions of her friends and family will mean nothing, though she may ask them what they think out of curiosity. She has her own yardstick for measuring you. Assuming you pass her test, marriage to an Aquarian girl can be confusing. She'll listen pleasantly when you give her advice, but there's something in the Uranian make-up that prevents her from following directions explicitly. She can't stick to the recipe when she bakes one of her angel food cakes anymore than she can park the car exactly where you told her to. There's some kind of a snag in her thinking that causes her to believe just a little twist will improve anything. But shell smile agreeably as she goes on her own sweet way. There's a constant urge to experiment with a different way to make the coffee, fill her pen, fasten her ice skates or cross the street. She'll wear a sweater backwards, mix her brandy with milk, arrange flowers in a fish bowl, rinse her hair in shaving lotion or make a rock garden on your desk. But don't ask her why. She doesn't know herself. The unique and unusual is her wave-length, that's all.

Because her nature is so impersonal, expressions of deep feeling won't come easily. Except for those sudden remarks that sound likes a combination of Robert Frost and Yogi Berra, she has few words with which to express her love, and her pattern of physical passion is woven closely with threads connected to the mind and soul. Although the unique Uranus outlook leads some Aquarian girls into peculiar attachments, once they find the right mate their marriages are usually models of happiness.

Your Aquarian woman can float through her days and nights with all the grace of a proud swan, but she may behave like a clumsy bear in romantic situations. The line between friendship and love is often all but invisible to Aquarius. Love songs about people who only have eyes for each other strike her as silly. There are so many miracles in the world for eyes to behold, it seems to her a terrible waste for two pairs of them to do nothing but gaze into each other's depths. Shell be glad to let you take her hand and walk beside her as she looks with happy delight on the sunrise, an antique car, the milkman's horse, a yellow garbage pail, a stuffed owl or a red balloon caught in a church steeple. But don't distract her with too much to-getherness. Let her wander through her wonderland alone when she chooses, and she'll never question your pinochle games with the boys.

The quickest ways to lose her are to show jealousy, pos-sessiveness or prejudice; to be critical, stuffy or ultra-conservative. You'll also have to like her friends, who will come in odd, assorted sizes and shapes.

She's susceptible to sudden flashes of inspiration, and her intuition is remarkable. Her judgment may not seem sound or practical at first, because she sees months and years ahead. The Aquarian girl lives in tomorrow, and you can only visit there through her. What she says will come true, perhaps after many delays and troubles, but it will come true. I suppose, after all, that's the most special thing about your February woman. She's a little bit magic.

About Jon and it's so true!!

The LIBRA Man
"In my youth," said his Father, "I took to the law. And argued each case with my wife;

And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, Has lasted the rest of my life."

You'll get plenty of free advice from this man. Hell have the perfect solution to all your problems and an answer for every question you ask. But there's no use expecting him to be the answer to all your girlish dreams. He'll change some of them and argue with others. A Libra male can be as cranky as a crocodile with poison ivy, and his habit of rationalizing everything, including love, will drive you to frenzy-or leave you limp with defeat.

Still, I must warn you that once you're caught and enmeshed in the Libran charm, it won't be easy to break away. Trying to escape from a bear trap is a cinch, compared to liberating yourself from a Libran man. If you try to run, he'll persuade you to stay with such logical, intelligent arguments you couldn't hope to top them unless you graduated from Harvard Law School. In addition to using his unmatched reasoning powers on you, he'll turn so sweet and gentle you'll forget the frustrating inconsistencies of his nature that upset you before. Then he'll smile at you and something will happen inside. Your heart will turn over.

From that moment on, the battle will be lost. His dreams will be your dreams, and nothing will matter so much as making him happy. You'll seek that smile and need it to survive the way a thirsty traveler needs water. Only a really hard-hearted Hannah could resist a Libran smile, and she'd have to summon all her determination to avoid being magnetized by its purity. The Libran charm is not like the hypnotic persuasion of the Scorpio. The attraction of Libra is logicul and real, not supernatural in any sense. There's no black magic about it, just common sense submission to his heavenly aura.

On the other hand, to use his favorite catch phrase, there will be times when those Libra scales dip back and forth with crazy contradiction. You'll have to shout at him, push him into the lake, or stand on your head to get his attention and force him to make a move. Don't be so naive as to think love will be smooth and eternally tranquil, even if he is ruled by Venus. If you're up on your Roman mythology, you're aware that Venus had her off days. Still, when the scales balance, life with Libra can be as intoxicating as a goblet of golden ambrosia, with lots of laughs and a casual freedom known only to the gods who cavort on Olympus.

Making up his mind is a chore no less strenuous to the average Libran male than taming a wild buffalo, and once he's made it up, he's liable to change it with no warning if he suspects he's made a mistake. There's a woman I know Who hoped to go into a business partnership with a Libran, and she learned the hard way about this legendary Libra idiosyncrasy. They had a breakfast appointment together one summer morning, and both of them were full of enthusiastic, optimistic plans for the future. After he dropped her off on the way to his office, she began to worry. His promises were almost too good to be true, so she phoned him, just to make sure she hadn't been dreaming. He was still excited, he repeated all his promises and ambitious plans, and they made a date to get together again the following week. Before they hung up, he guessed what was on her mind and reassured her. "By the way," he remarked, "I want to say something, since I won't see you again for a few days." He hesitated slightly (she missed that clue), then continued with conviction. "I wanted to tell you that, well-I guess what I wanted to say is don't worry. I won't change my mind. We'll go through with it, just the way we planned."

The next week, when he didn't call, she phoned him again. "Were you out of town?" she asked. "No," he said slowly. "I didn't call you because I wanted to think it over." A long pause. "I think I should try something with a smaller budget first. We'll get together on our project next spring. I promise. It's just that, well, I've decided it's best to wait until then, and put it on the shelf for a while, you know?"

Filled with natural resentment and disappointment after such an unexpected letdown, she made a decision of her own. She would never speak to him again. The man was obviously undependable, untrustworthy and cruel, besides. A month later she passed him on the street, and he stopped to say hello. Caught off guard, she stammered an aloof, cool sentence or two of greeting, and instantly regretted that she hadn't cut him dead. Then he smiled. That did it. She was once more his strongest booster. He could do no wrong, even to her. To this day she defends him fiercely, and if she hears that one of his dreams got shattered, she has an illogical desire to help him pick up the pieces so he'll smile again.

Now, if that could occur when a woman is involved with a Libra man only in a business way, can you imagine your state of mind and your ability to insulate yourself if you should happen to fall in love with one of these impossible charmers? You simply can't be too careful. Steel yourself to turn your head when he smiles. Stuff cotton in your ears when he starts his convincing arguments in that smooth-as-silk voice that makes the back of your neck tingle.

The word love and the word Libra are practically synonymous. Libra invented romance, and refined it to an art with even more finesse than Leo, Scorpio and Taurus, which is saying a lot. The delicate strategies of Cupid are inbred Libran talents. He'll use every trick with casual ease and seldom fail to get the girl. However, once he gets her, he isn't always sure what to do with her. Having thoroughly charmed her into willing submission, he hesitates. Should he take advantage of her helpless state or should he propose marriage? Or both? Or neither? The mental struggle begins, and life in the garden of Eden with this particular Adam becomes' considerably less than ecstatic.

He won't lose interest in the opposite sex until he's at least ninety. It may be purely an academic interest if he's happily married, but the subject will never bore him, even if he only speculates what it would be like to whirl each pretty girl he sees around an imaginary ballroom.

Since the art of love-making comes so easily-and shockingly early-to the Libra male, and since he almost always wears the crown of success on his romantic excursions into love's jungle, he gets tangled up with a lot of clinging vines. Libra hates to hurt anyone's feelings, though he remains blissfully unaware of the damage done when he's in an argumentative mood. He hates to say no, and seldom realizes that postponement is more unkind than an outright break of an affair which has no chance of happiness. In the opposite situation when the mutual feeling is as close to sublime as humans ever reach on this earth, the prolonged agony can be equally tortuous. Only an Aquarian can be more shy of making a drastic move in one direction or another. If he senses he's being unfair to someone in his own life, to you-or to someone in your recent romantic past-there will be no end to his painful indecision. Being unfair is, to him, a crime roughly on a level with murder. The reluctance to be cruel can push him into a mistaken proposal of marriage, predestined for the divorce courts •-or else his endless procrastination can cause him to miss (he love of his life. So you can see his attitude is a two-edged sword, which can either slice away true love or cut him a piece of indigestible matrimony. Tossing out false sentiment is the cure for both.

The tendency toward fickleness in Libra men can't be denied. They do tend to trifle, especially in youth. The natural Libra impulse is to to size up every third or fourth woman they come across, and weigh her possibilities of being the true soul mate. They often get friendship and love hopelessly confused. Surprisingly, it's not often that the Libran will suffer from a broken heart, for all his dabbling and experimenting. He can forget with insulting quickness, and be less apt than anyone, except perhaps a Gemini or Sagittarius male, to allow himself to regret the memory of unrequited love or a romance that was fated never to be. He may sustain a few bruised spots, but there will be no permanent damage, except in very unusual cases. Then the hurt can be devastating beyond imagination. But it happens so rarely you won't find many examples. It's easier to find a soft-hearted, guileless Libra man in the clutches of a passionately determined female who has made him feel that deserting her would be a sin second only to breaking all the ten commandments at once. Caught in such a net, he can be a pretty miserable prisoner of love. But both extremes are the exceptions, and most Libra men manage to keep free enough to enjoy romance to the fullest, without letting sentimental ties rope them in.

He isn't too interested in rooting out your secrets. He may seem to be, at first glance, but take a second look. Often he misses what's going on two inches under his nose.

Everyone will notice what's happening but him. Though he'll argue until hell freezes over, his purpose is not to dig out personal motives, but to dwell on abstract theories so that he can reach a balanced judgment. His questions aren't aimed at uncovering anyone's hidden neurosis. He just wants to sort the facts and assemble them in the proper places. He'll discuss pros and cons with brilliant logic and astute rationalization, and his conclusion will usually be fair, accurate, sensible and practical. Not even Solomon in all his wisdom could top a typical Libran's final, balanced decision. But he doesn't have the inclination to figure the personal nuances or emotional tangles that lie just beneath the surface. The facts and the facts alone are sufficient. The Piscean, Scorpio or Aquarian's deep penetration of character would, to his mind, muddy the crystal-clear picture he seeks. He instinctively feels that such psychological examination is out of his line. It is.

If you're extravagant, he'll simply deduce that you spend money like water; therefore you aren't a good credit risk. The fact that you seek emotional security by wasting cash isn't in his field. He's not your psychiatrist. If you're stingy, he's only interested in carefully examining your thrift to form an accurate appraisal of your customs. There's no desire to uncover your secret fear of losing your independence through poverty. Promiscuity will make him argue against its pitfalls; frigidity will, bring on even lengthier discussions about isolation from human companionship. But he'll avoid learning about the traumatic experiences that brought on the former, or the deep-seated feelings of inadequacy that triggered the latter. Libra is the judge. You'll see lots of judges handing down fair decisions, based on weighing the facts in the case, but you won't find many of them asking you why the color red makes you nervous, or sympathizing with your compulsion to lock your husband out because he wore those red-striped pajamas. Always remember that the Libran argues with only an abstract curiosity. He appears to be a prober, but he's not. Nor is he as nosy and gossipy as he seems to be. It's like breaking the seal of the confessional to pry a secret given in confidence from the typical Libran.

All this makes him terribly trustworthy, but a little hard on your feelings. You can confide in him with faith. But you'll suffer when he misses sensing your innermost needs. He wants to please you, but there's seldom enough under-standing of your silent hopes to satisfy all your longings (unless there's a water sign on the ascendant, or the Moon is in a water sign). Just because he's an expert lover technically doesn't make him the soul of empathy in relation to your moods. He has enough trouble coping with his own. Nothing can be more irritating than when you rush to him with a story about how someone has hurt you deeply. You seek sympathy, and what do you get? His first question will be, "What did you do to him (or her)?" Then he'll point out where you were just as much in the wrong, until you could scream with unsatisfied indignation. Go ahead and scream, he still won't take sides if he thinks you've been unfair, and the emotional implications will escape him.

Trouble invariably arises from this Libran lack of awareness of the partner's need to be understood in depth. It may seem unbelievable that he can be so intuitive about the abstract, so brilliantly logical in deduction, so capable of clear, open-minded and open-eyed deliberation, and still be so aggravatingly obtuse about what makes you ache or thrill inside. But it's one of those inconsistencies you have to live with, if you live with a Libran. His gentleness and that smile, of course, make it easier to bear.

Unless there are financial afflictions in his natal chart, he won't be tight with the budget. On the contrary, the typical Libran has a rather lavish hand with cash. He believes in spending it on objects or activities that bring beauty or happiness. Be prepared to be a good hostess, because his home will be a regular hospitality center at most any hour of the day or night (except during those times when he's resting and won't take kindly to being disturbed by doorbells, telephones or people). Don't drag him to crowded places where he's forced to feel the press of flesh and where the noise offends his sense of harmony. Crowds of strangers affect his inner equilibrium. All Librans have an instinctive distaste for physical contact with masses of humanity. His social life will be generously sprinkled with intelligent, sparkling people, but when the group expands to over a couple of dozen warm bodies, he'll Struggle for air. A Libra man can suddenly leave you alone in a crowded theater with no explanation. He doesn't hate you. He was just overcome with claustrophobia, a typical Ubran affliction.

The fastest road to the disinterest that leads to divorce Ffs a disorderly home. Keep the radio and TV sets toned down, and don't let the odor of cooking penetrate hia sensitive nostrils. If you must make onion soup and garlic bread, spray pine-scented deodorant around until the house smells like the great northern woods. A wife who serves a Libran husband bread right out of the wrapper, makes him use paper towels for napkins and leaves the milk bottle or cereal box out where he can see them is beaded for the life of a not-so-gay divorcee sooner than she may think. Hanging stockings across the shower rod is out. Forgetting to dust or make the beds can keep him in a constant state of emotional discord. Hell retreat from the disharmony with longer and longer naps and more and more nights out alone, and eventually, there will be no communication. He may be as sloppy as six pigs himself, but he'll expect you to pick up his socks and fold the papers be scatters on the floor. If the chartreuse draperies clash with a maroon rug, he can pout for years, and you'll never know why. Better keep the decor pastel. With the typical Libran kindness, he may not complain, but his secretary and her exquisite taste may look more attractive to him every day.

The Libra male hates confusion, and he really needs harmony to remain stable. His home must be a beautiful, quiet oasis from the jangling discord of the outside world, or those scales may remain permanently out of balance. Since he seldom probes motives, you'll have to be smart enough to guess why he's never home or why he sleeps all the time when he is. Remember that he's weak on introspection, so you must be the analyst. He'll never suspect his unhappiness stems from seeing you covered with cold cream and the youngsters covered with jelly. He may not realize he hates the orange shower curtain or that the lithograph of George Washington crossing the Delaware which hangs over the mantle goes against his artistic grain. He won't quite understand why he keeps forgetting to kiss you goodnight and good morning, but his logical mind will tell him something is off balance, and he'll suffer from it more than he lets on. Pick up the papers and toys, spruce, Up the house, dab on your best perfume, take the curlers out of your hair, turn down the television, buy some heavenly blue shower curtains and get a good Degas print to replace George over the mantle. Youll wake up some morning and find you're married to a completely new man With a .otally changed attitude.

The children will always benefit from his sense of fairness. He'll make sure the biggest youngsters don't take advantage of the baby, or the youngest doesn't break the oldest's bicycle spokes. Libran fathers will exercise discipline with quiet authority, and they'll try to give a logical reason for punishment, which will seldom be administered in anger. Like you, the children will melt under his charm; and like you, they'll also chafe under his constant debating and challenging. Strangely, a Libra man usually doesn't look forward enthusiastically to the birth of children. But after they arrive, he weighs the advantage of their love against loneliness, plunges into fatherhood with a sincere desire to enjoy it, and normally ends up as a doting parent. However, he'll never allow parental affection to replace his romantic feelings for you. With typical Librans of both sexes, the mate comes first, offspring second. You needn't fear that his love for you will decrease as the family increases-assuming, of course, you got rid of those chartreuse draperies or the maroon rug, one or the other- and that the dirty dishes don't continually pile up in the sink.

One final word of astrological advice. If you're in love with a Libra man, and you're sure it's meant to be, go right ahead and propose whatever it is you want to propose, up to and including marriage. Hell be relieved that you took the initiative. But watch out for that perverse streak-which causes him to let you decide, and then when it doesn't work out, cheerfully point out that "You made the decision. I didn't." Make sure you know what you're doing, or you'll never hear the end of it. There's only one way to even the score with him. Say "Yes, I decided. If I had left it up to you, we'd still be standing under that lamppost in the rain saying 'I love you,' and we'd both have caught pneumonia." He'll argue with you, naturally, but just before or after you bounce the teapot off his head, he'll accidentally smile, and there you'll be-standing under that lamppost in the rain again, saying "I love you," once more. I believe this is where I came in.

Followed by Hong's ...

A June person will sometimes appear to light near you, like an inquisitive bird, survey the scene with excited curiosity, then dart off in a different direction almost before you can say hello. I often join a Gemini friend in Lindy's for cheesecake and some casual conversation. He's thirty-five to forty years old, but he looks like a college student, which is typical of Gemini's ageless appearance. For a while well talk pleasantly, interrupting each other and easily bouncing from one topic to another. Then I'll search in my purse for a compact or a pencil, look up-and like some disappearing artist in a magic act, my Gemini friend has vanished into thin air, taking the check with him. (The more unevolved types use this agility to leave you with the check.) When he pulls one of those fast dissolves, I glance around the room anxiously, and suddenly, there he is-making a phone call or waving to me gaily as he skips out the door to who-knows-where.

This particular Gemini was recently engaged to a wonderful Aquarian girl (if anyone can cope with an elusive Gemini, it's an Aquarian), and a week before the wedding, five would get you twenty anywhere on Broadway that he would find a way to slip out of the noose-that somehow, he wouldn't make it to the church on time. But he did. Geminis can surprise you. Especially when they're in love.

The GEMINI Man
"I could tell you my adventures- beginning from this morning-"

"At least I knew who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."

Being in love gives you a nice sense of warm security. There's that heavenly comfort of always knowing someone. is going to be there when you need him-that you no longer walk alone. All the doubts you knew before just melt away. That is, unless you're having a romance with a Mercury man, which might take the edge off that "warm security." In fact, you'll adjust much better to a Gemini if you send him out for a loaf of bread on Monday and don't expect him back until Thursday. Never look for him until you see him coming-and don't hang onto his coat-tails when he wants to leave.

Once you've schooled yourself to accept his restless, unpredictable spirit, there's a good chance of making it work. But not if you're going to insist on "that heavenly conafort of always knowing someone is going to be there." Yom'll probably never know for sure when this man is going to be anywhere, and that can bring back some of those doubts romance is supposed to melt away. It's true that when you're in love with a Gemini, you won't walk alome. You most certainly won't. You'll have at least two people to walk with you-and both of them will be him. He was born under the sign of the twins, you know. In his case, they're never identical twins. The dual nature of Germini combines two completely different personalities. Yom might even be involved with one of those Mercury mem who are triplets or quintuplets, and if so, you have quilte a crowd to keep you company, even. when you're alone with him.

The typical Gemini is the favorite of every hostess. He likes people. The more the merrier. It's a rare Geminian who's not a perfectly delightful conversationalist. He has exquisite taste, he's loaded with witty remarks, and his compliments are masterpieces of warm sincerity. Usually a master of impeccable manners and social adroitness, he keeps the party moving in more ways than one.

You know those scavenger hunts, where people pair off with a list of whacky items to collect, like a hair from the head of a famous movie star and a piece of the blotter on the desk of the chief of police, and the couple which has rounded up the most items on the list gets the prize? It's the Gemini's favorite kind of party, because it combines the highest possible exposure to people of all kinds with the highest possible opportunity to move around from place to place-and he seeks both.

If you meet him first at a social affair where he's performing his fascinating multiple personality act, you haven't a chance. You'll be convinced he's the most exciting, interesting, intelligent man you've ever come across. No one could quarrel with that analysis. He probably is. It's no wonder you're excited and impressed. But before you let him change your name, be sure you're capable of 'tackling an uncertain future with a man whose whims may change with the wind, and whose goals in life may shift drastically before the honeymoon is even over. Geminian Walt Whitman once wrote the lines: "Do I contradict myself? ... I contain multitudes." Whether he realized it or not, he was summing up the Mercury nature.

One day your Gemini man may call on you with a chattering monkey perched on his shoulder and suggest going to a flea circus. He'll bring you flowers, perfume, a phonograph record or a couple of books, maybe even one he wrote himself. The hours will speed by as you happily sun yourself in his cheerful disposition, laugh at his bright, ;lever jokes and melt under his gay, gallant charm. He'll ay "I love you," a hundred different ways, like no one ilse in the world could do.

The next day, he'll phone you and break a date for no iarthly reason whatsoever, causing you to imagine all sorts of things. Was he only joking about loving you? Is he ' ;eing someone else? Is he in trouble? Your fears may be "ue. Then again, they may be false. A week later, he'll sappear, full of sarcastic remarks, moody and irritable.

He'll be impatient, critical and petulant. He may criticize your shoes, your lipstick or your literary taste, and have some pretty cutting doubts about the possibility of your happiness together. Either all this, or he'll be sullen and troubled, his mind far away, distant and aloof. No use asking why, you won't get an answer that makes any sense.

If you survive that experience, a few more days will find you visiting an art gallery, theater, museum, library or opera with your Gemini man, absolutely hypnotized by his knowledge and wide interests. Hell be unusually tender, full of fragile, butterfly dreams and imaginative hopes for tomorrow. Then he'll propose. Like that. Quick as lightning. You'll forget all the thunder and storm clouds, all the rain that fell before, say "yes," before he changes his mind-and there you are-engaged to an enigma.

Yes, I said enigma. If you expect anything else, like a man who's stable and patient, who will gently play Darby to your Joan while life and love glide on as smoothly as a gondola down a romantic canal in Venice, you're headed in the same direction as a merry-go-round. In circles. Get off fast and never mind about grabbing the brass ring. Don't let the gay, light-hearted music seduce you into following a painted scene of constantly changing colors, with shades of dreary gray as likely to show up as sunny yellow or blissful blue. If you're an incurable romantic, seeking perfect harmony, you're in more than a little danger.

No matter what the rest of his natal chart says, if the Sun was in Gemini when he was born, this man will not remain tomorrow what he is today, nor will he have any lasting memory of yesterday. In one way or another, he will change. Granted, the changes may always be for the better and he may.consistently aim higher. But the element of chance is always there. If you're a gambler, you may very well hit the jackpot with him, and find a glorious mental and emotional compatibility to celebrate on your golden wedding anniversary. But all good gamblers know the odds before they place their bet. Just be sure you do. Two rare exceptions to Geminian instability of purpose seem to be President Kennedy and England's Queen Victoria. However, keep in mind that John Kennedy had, at all times a multitude of interests, which changed constantly, and Queen Victoria (who was very close to being a Taurus by planetary position) brought about a great many important changes in her country's customs. Anyway, very few of us marry kings, queens or presidents, who have been forced by circumstances to mature and Settle into a set pattern.

An excellent example of Geminian duality of expression is the confession of a woman who was exposed to it. The Mercury-ruled man was a producer, and the woman was a famous, dark-haired Pisces actress. After a weekend party with friends as the guest of the Gemini on his boat, during which he was openly insulting, rude and aloof to her, by turns, the actress was dismayed and puzzled. Later, she made the remark, "I don't know what's wrong with him. He must hate me. I've never done anything to him, yet he hardly spoke a word to me all weekend." Ah, but don't you see, she had done something to him. She had made him fall in love with her. The emotion was serious enough for him to marry her soon after the incident. But how did he react to his first knowledge of a feeling of tenderness toward her? As though she were Lucretia Borgia.

Her experience probably won't keep you from leaping into a romance with a Mercury man. Still, it might soothe the wounds of a few of you girls who have been suffering from the cold actions of a Gemini who's probably helplessly in love with you and cleverly concealing it for his own, unfathomable reasons. Geminis have an unconscious urge to disguise their true intent, to fence with others verbally and cloak their motives with dual actions. In general, they seek to confuse you. Then with true Geminian inconsistency, they'll turn right around and be so direct, they'll fairly take your breath away with their frankness and bluntness.

Loving a Gemini is easy and fun, if you don't try to get too close. There's a inner core that belongs only to him, that he'll never share with another human being, even you. Keep things cool and light, and don't be overly passionate or dramatic. Don't bore him, always excite him and your Gemini romance can be very special. Don't rebel against his changeability. Change with him. Be as alert and interested in life as he is. Otherwise, the love affair could become just one of those things. He seeks a mental companion above all else. One who can match his wits, even top him now and then, because he's not an egotist. He's a realist, and he thrives on mental challenge. The last thing he wants is a doormat or a dull mouse. Let your brain show through, your feminine image. It won't scare him off, as it might some men. It will spin him around in the right direction-toward you.

Geminis tend to discard old friends for new ones, but not because they're heartless. Their own personalities fluctuate and advance so relentlessly, it's only natural for them to seek those who match their interests at the time. Anywhere Gemini hangs his hat is home. There's seldom any deep, lasting attachment to old memories, places, people and things. During a long period of loneliness, he can shed some sentimental tears, but it's the loneliness that does it, rather than nostalgia for yesterday. He's gregarious, and he hates-even fears-being alone for extended periods. If you can hit him with the message that you'll be a partner who will always be around, but who won't lean on him nor expect him to lean on you, he'll probably consider signing a long-term contract. But remember those odds. Many Geminis marry more than once, although multiple marriage is more likely to occur when they wed too young than if they wait for maturity. Not every Gemini has two wives, but he'll have two of almost everything else-perhaps two cars, two apartments, two college degrees, two jobs, two dreams, two pets, two razors, two hobbies, two ambitions. He likes to double up.

My good Gemini friend Frank Blair, NBC newsman on the "Today" show, even takes his annual vacation at two separate times during the year. His hobbies? He pilots his own private plane, sails his own boat and plays a mean. game of golf. (I'm not sure, but I think Frank may be one of the triplet Geminis.) He plays two musical instruments, has multiple children, multiple awards and trophies on his office wall at NBC, multiple friends, two shifts at the network (one for the "Today" program, another for recording "Emphasis" and special shows), two electric razors in his desk and at least a dozen dreams and plans at a time, which change about every six months. He has just one wife. (He must have a Cancer or Taurus ascendant.) You'll note that he's also in a typically Gemini occupation-broadcasting. Mercury rules communication and news. He certainly has the Gemini charm and manual dexterity. Frank often pours a glass of tomato juice, dictates to his secretary, phones his wife, shaves, and packs his brief case-somehow all at once. Geminis are experts at sleight of hand.

In financial matters, the duality takes over again. A Mercury man may be at first fabulously generous, then abruptly turn miserly. If you average out his twin attitudes, my guess is that the generosity would win, hands down. Gemini has little desire to accumulate either money or knowledge. In each case, he prefers to absorb it, sort it, and give it back improved. He's the communicator whose function is to create ever new, original ideas and serve others through the versatility of his quick, brilliant mental processes.

Will he be faithful to you? In his fashion, yes, he will. There are a thousand answers to that question where Mercury is concerned. He likes to converse and he likes to mix. He's also strangely attractive to women, so there may be occasions for whispers and suspicions. But you can count on this: It's a rare Gemini man whose deeply ingrained sense of fairness will let him be dishonest in his actions if you have faith in him. I mean real faith and real trust. Not the kind that secretly wonders. He'll always be able to sense if you secretly wonder. Mercury minds often intercept your private thoughts as though you were broadcasting them. However, it's not a good idea to expect a Gemini husband to give all females a cold shoulder just because he wears a wedding band. Females are part of the scene, and Gemini must make the scene. If they're around, he'll talk to them-maybe even laugh with them or have a drink with them. It's only natural for Mercury to communicate, regardless of the sex of the listener. But that doesn't mean he has to romance them.

It's true that there are lots of Geminians who are just plain, outright promiscuous, yet no matter what you've heard, there's always a cause. To be mistrusted or misunderstood in any area deeply distresses a Mercury man. It frustrates and depresses him, and such an unhappy Gemini can fly here and there, seeking relief from tangled emotions. When he's free from a feeling of mental isolation, and has nothing to prove to anyone, he loses the compulsion to experiment and take flights of fancy. A woman who has perfect mental harmony with a Gemini need never fear emotional or physical unfaithfulness. That's so true of these men, it's almost a cut and dried rule. But he won't be chained unreasonably. To expect your Gemini not to smile back when someone smiles at him, whether it's a child or an adult, a man or a woman, is to expect the sun not to shine. His cheerful, friendly nature seeks companionship constantly. It could be the conductor on the commuter train or the waitress at the coffee shop around the comer from where he works. Don't try to stifle him. When anyone tries to confine the Gemini's spirit, he can become as elusive and as unpredictable as the wind itself.

With the youngsters, hell be a buddy, but not a disciplinarian, and he'll teach them a lot before they even get to kindergarten. They'll probably love to confide in him, because he'll seldom be shocked or harsh in his judgment. He knows how to love without smothering. The relationship between the Gemini and his children is usually very close, but perhaps a bit loose, even though that may sound contradictory. As affectionate, exciting and lively as he is with young people, he may fail to insist that they follow routines, since he dislikes routines so much himself. There's also a tendency to criticize their behavior one day and approve of it the next day, which can confuse them. Although hell manage a good lecture, you'd better expect the spankings and really serious discipline to fall in your department. Gemini fathers tend to spoil their children.

His imagination may run away with him, and cause him to make an occasional statement he can't back up. You'll have to make him see the importance of keeping his word. Regardless of all his good intentions, a few of his quick impulsive promises may be broken. If the children don't tie him down in any way, or keep him from his multiple activities, he'll enjoy them enormously. One word of warning: Although he will seldom punish the children physically, the Gemini proclivity for sudden, stinging, sarcastic speech may cause deep wounds in little hearts or create a hurt which can be remembered for a lifetime. There may also be a reluctance to show affection in the form of kisses and hugs, unless a conscious effort is made to overcome the natural Geminian coolness. Yet, I've known some Gemini parents who seem to give the warmth they can't release to ^adults in abundance to their children. See that the youngsters don't confine him needlessly, don't ask him to babysit unless he obviously wants to, and he'll take to fatherhood nicely, with one child or a dozen.

Jealousy is something you may never have to worry about with a Gemini husband, because possessiveness is not a typical Gemini trait. If suspicion occasionally whispers in his ear, he'll usually brush it away (unless an affliction in the natal chart indicates otherwise). Some degree of jealousy is natural in everyone, of course, but it's normally not exaggerated in a Gemini. Love is not a strictly physical relationship with this man. He hears more, sees more and feels more through his senses than others do, and Mercury helps him record the most delicate impressions vividly. His love has such an airy, elusive quality, it may seem to lack the earthy passion of other Sun signs. But if you're not seeking a wild cave man who will drag you into the woods by the hair, he should be a more than satisfactory lover. He'll speak of his emotions with romantic, imaginative phrases, and fill the hunger of your heart with the strange beauty of his idealism.

Remember that the typical emotional coldness of Mercury can be warmed considerably if you both hear the same music and dream the same dreams. He must experience a total blending of the mind and the spirit before the physical passions catch up in intensity. That may seem oblique, but it's the only real road to his heart.

You'll have to get used to the word "if." He'll say, "If I loved you, we could . . ." and "If I loved you, there might be . . ." and sometimes never finish the sentence. You may have to listen with your heart and finish it for him. Blot out the word "if." He only uses it as a smoke screen or as a safety precaution. Harsh, critical nagging and continual emotional scenes will surely dull the edge of the fine, sensitive Gemini love. Try to squeeze a puddle of mercury in your hand. What happens? It dissolves immediately into hundreds of sparkling silver balls that quickly escape through your tightly clenched fingers. One Gemini man whose wife thought she knew him very well wrote the following lines just before he left her, and she found them among his papers after the divorce:

"Into the dream you came

And across the soft carpet of my reverie you walked

With hobnail boots ..."

You'll often read or hear it said that Geminis must always have two loves at once. This Gemini duality, hinting at deception, is so frequently mentioned, it may cause unfounded anxiety. May I modify that description? A Gemini needs two loves. Not necessarily two women. That's a riddle. If you truly understand him, youll know the answer to it.

After all, Hong is still my soulmate in astrology... LOLZ
More info on other signs? Please visit: http://tarotmastershimure.blogspot.com

2008-04-03T02:07:00.002+08:00

I was home for the past few days! Wanted to meet Hong but fated can't meet... lolz
Shalene said she dun wanna go Dreamers anymore and I'm not going too. Couldn't find any reason to go to that place again. This coming Friday is Gabriel's birthday, actually he invited us but I dun think we are going over... So I went down on last Sunday to pass him a birthday present and also pass a gift to Jon which I've promised him. I guess I dun owe them anything liao.
Shalene said wanna quit drinking... Nb! Dunno real or not... Haiz, my loneliness is killing me!!! My everyday is fucking bored! Now Shalene dun wanna drink and I dun feel like entertaining the guys who I dun like, that means my leisure life is gone!! Damn!! I really can't think of any other things I could do except for drinking... Maybe I should buy some beer and place it in my fridge. Can't sleep den drink! Grrrr... Hate this world! It's always making me feel miserable! Oh God, can you fucking send some cute guys to entertain me when my gal frenz are busy to do so???

2008-03-25T23:31:00.003+08:00

SMS Content I received from you this evening...

Jon： Hey girl U coming。。。
Me: Dun think so，why？
Jon: O nothing，jux asking u coming or not。。。

I didn't bother to reply after that. Do you think I would still go Dreamers? Lolz...
Last few weeks I was there for only one reason - To see him.
But now, I can't find any reason to go there. I think I would be there again when I'm with other guys or Shalene. I won't be there just to see him again!

Jon, do you remember I sms you to tell you that Shalene said you doesn't worth but I dun believe, unless you tell me wad she said is true? Yeah, you didn't said anything to me, you just show it to me right? That day you call me just becoz you need to get the perfume for another gal. After that you didn't even bother anymore! I've seen thru' all those actings that you put up in front of my friends. All the while I keep quiet is because I'm blinded by the "J's" shadow that you carried. Today, I would've go see you if you asked me to go accompany you or tell me you wanted to see me, just like the way you did before. Too bad, when I asked you why, you said nothing. I thought I was special... In fact, I'm not at all. You and "J" are the same!! So good in acting, so good in faking... My heart had been broken since years ago, you can't break it again when it's already shattered. Lolz...

Dunno why my phone still appear his name when I've already deleted his number away...
Stupid phone!!!

我把自己反锁在空荡荡的房屋
感谢你让我想个清楚
因为爱你所以我不做你的包袱
我不需要谁温柔安抚
请放心我很快能恢复
找到一个人陪我漫步
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我更应该微笑祝福
祝你找到对的幸福
如果我消失不见
你在乎不在乎
别含含糊糊我很在乎
因为爱你所以我选另外一条路
离开是我的最后让步
爱情就到这里结束
我们不得不不得不屈服
只能笑
不准哭
我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路挡不住你追逐
不准哭
我学不会微笑祝福
祝你找到
祝你找到对的幸福

2008-03-25T15:07:00.003+08:00

Grrr.... I'm home alone!!! Super boring ar!!!
Yesterday I bought a new perfume again! Lolz... I decided to stop using my CK Euphoria and switch to Burberry Brit. Very soon I will get the C/D Midnight Poison, hahaha... Actually I love that Euphoria but because Jon like it so I decided to change. He's not my boyfriend and had never ever told me that he likes me so there's no reason I shouldn't change it. I dun want "J's" history to repeat again. I even deleted his number away to stop myself from being naive, stupid and "extra".
Hahaha... I won't cry and feel sad anymore! Creeps dun worth those tears at all...
I AM NOT INTERESTED IN PLAYING MIND GAMES!! For those who only interested in sleeping with me, I suggest you to GO FUCK SPIDERs!!!

Ladies should buy this month's Cleo magazine and read this article. As for guys, please give yourselves 2 tight slaps for being such a jerk and stop imagining that you are a Casanova!!!

2008-03-25T00:40:00.007+08:00

走在人挤人的走道我问了自已
没有爱情的人是否会长命
那些电影常常让人感觉甜蜜
但是我不相信
坐在没有人的角落我又问自已
究竟应该继续还是该放弃
没有人能了解我现在的心情
想看你想躲你难以决定
每当我想靠近你总会装冷静
眼看你的表情仿佛已经说明
我只想要证明我们这段爱情
也许在你眼里它只是个游戏
我只想要靠近也很想要抱紧
会想到那过去和现在新的你
我还想要参与你的生活点滴
只要你肯相信
我一定会陪你走下去

坐在没有人的角落我又问自已
究竟应该继续还是该放弃
没有人能了解我现在的心情
想看你想躲你难以决定
每当我想靠近你总会装冷静
眼看你的表情仿佛已经说明
我只想要证明我们这段爱情
也许在你眼里它只是个游戏
我只想要靠近也很想要抱紧
会想到那过去和现在新的你
我还想要参与你的生活点滴
只要你肯相信
我一定会陪你走下去
能不能够让我再说我爱你
还是你已不想听
能不能够把你彻底的忘记
我是真的搞不清
每当我想靠近你总会装冷静
眼看你的表情仿佛已经说明
我只想要证明我们这段爱情
也许在你眼里它只是个游戏
我只想要靠近也很想要抱紧
会想到那过去和现在新的你
我还想要参与你的生活点滴
只要你肯相信
我一定会陪你走下去
只要你再相信
我们会轻轻地靠在一起

2008-03-24T00:08:00.002+08:00

My recent favourite song!!! Especially to my love love!! The game is over!

"Pushing Me Away"

I've lied to you
The same way that I always do
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you

(Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end
You'll soon find we're out of time left
To watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away

I've tried like you
To do everything you wanted too
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you

(Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end
You'll soon find we're out of time left
To watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
(We're all out of time
This is how we find how it all unwinds)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(We're all out of time
This is how we find how it all unwinds)
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Pushes me away

2008-03-22T23:30:00.005+08:00

Photos that I took yesterday in Dreamers...

Guo Qiang & Me

*Bleah*

Shalene with my big sunglass

Shalene & Guo Qiang

Haiz... I kinda miss Jon... Jialet ar, if this go on I will die!
Must control and let go of it. Can't allow myself to sink deeper...
These few days I ignore all guys' calls. I only wanna answer Jon's call... When go club with Shalene, I simply can't get myself to get interested in other guys. My mind only have him...
Jialet! I think I'm sending myself to hell. From now onwards I'll stop myself from sms and call him le. Hmm... just wait for his call ba. Hahahaha... Correct wad, if he really likes me, he'll care to call me. I dun want myself to be one-sided... Can someone just tell him to stop playing with me?? Grrr... Wad should I do??? Super vexed!

2008-03-20T22:32:00.002+08:00

I wanna do a experiment to see if the horoscope thingy is true or not... lolz

http://www.romantic-ideas-for-life.com/love-horoscopes-libra-man.html

Here’s what you need to do to GET & KEEP a Libra man…
Be beautiful
Be artistic
Be patient
Be forgiving (Of what? Of his flirting, of course ;-))
Be sociable and intelligent
Be cultured and sophisticated
Be charming and cooperative
Have a sense of style
Be well-groomed
Be well-dressed
Know how to sincerely flatter him
Be feminine
Behave fairly
Have tastefully decorated surroundings
Be able to keep peace and harmony at home
Enjoy social events
Be able to schmooze with his friends
Be surrounded by a desirable circle of acquaintances
Be supportive
Be encouraging
Be understanding
Be affectionate
Consistently reassure him of your love and devotion

Here’s what you can do to LOSE your Libra man…
Be abusive verbally or physically
Be demanding
Be aggressive
Be loud
Be crude
Consistently attempt to invade his privacy
Be disruptive to his inner balance
Shove reality in his face
Be sloppy
Loathe exercise
Be vulgar
Be argumentative
Be cheap
Be moody
Be irrational
Cause trouble
Put your friends ahead of him
Be independent and self-reliant
Ignore him
Leave him alone for extended periods of time
Never compliment him
Criticize him
Be pushy
Be impatient
Be gloomy
Be whiny
Be inattentive to your appearance
Have no sense of style
Be uncultured
Be a hermit
Despise social events

2008-03-18T09:01:00.002+08:00

See wad I have found...
I am the Aquarius and if I'm not wrong, Hong is Gemini...
LOLZ

Breezy and fascinating at all times --- nobody will do the housework but life will be fun. (Source: AquarianAge Romance )
For Gemini: Super alliance, you are both original and like variety. This makes for a fun loving couple. This is not always a lasting union but it is certainly worth pursuing. ( Source: Love Test )
For Aquarius: This is a delightful, intellectually stimulating relationship. Not always smooth but certainly an exciting and entertaining connection. ( Source: Love Test )
Get along great. In marriage they are friends more than lovers. A great pairing with a lot in common and a lot of understanding which Gemini needs. Both are unpredictable which could cause some tensions but they can work that out. Aquarius loves Gemini’s wit and good cheer. Even if the affair should end they will still remain friends. A love pairing. ( Source: Astrology Fun )

Gemini Man & Aquarius Woman
This is tied with Libra and Aquarius as being your number-one soulmate love match. The Gemini boy and Aquarius girl combination is excellent because you really appreciate the most interesting qualities in each other. You are both intelligent, insightful people and you will delight in the amazing conversations that you have together. You also share each other’s taste for variety and new experiences, so you’ll have a lot of fun together. Your physical chemistry is strong and romance for both of you is more creative and fun with each other than with most other signs. You will have the best of both worlds in this relationship, because you will be both great friends and great romantic partners. A real soulmate match. (Source: Jellybean's Astro-Soulmate Guide )
In Gemini boy, Aquarius girl finds a kindred spirit that can keep up with her on an intellectual level. Not one to fall for shallow handsome types, Aquarius girl will find thrilling company and a wealth of inspiring ideas with her Gemini companion. What could be sweeter?

Over here, the Libra is Jon...
LOLZ...

A cool, detached, gorgeous, sensuous, intellectual and very photogenic combination. ( Source: AquarianAge Romance )
For Libra: This is a compatible coalition. You are capable of making love in the highest form. You're two of a kind. Neither of you care about detail nor domestics. ( Source: Love Test )
For Aquarius: Very well-suited couple both mentally and physically. Exciting, fun loving and carefree connection. Your spending habits are the only foreseeable dilemma. ( Source: Love Test )
All signals are go. Sexually compatible, and share the love to socialize. Both have artistic interests. They will be friends as well as lovers.Aquarius will make the decisions Libra doesn’t like to make. ( Source: Astrology Fun )

Libra Man & Aquarius Woman
This match is tied with Gemini and Aquarius as your number-one soulmate love match. The Aquarius girl and Libra boy are true equals. In a love relationship, this is a wonderful situation, because it means that he can be your best friend as well as being a great boyfriend. The Libra boy is a real romantic, and he is very creative in the ways that he’ll let you know he cares. You’ll love the way he keeps flirting with you and doing little things for you. He also has a light-hearted attitude to life and he will be very good at getting around your moody, eccentric streak. You’ll like the way he makes you look at the world, and he’ll love your quick mind and the physical attraction between you. A wonderful soulmate match. ( Source: Jellybean's Astro-Soulmate Guide )
Libra boy ADORES everything about Aquarius girl-from the way she looks, to, more importantly, the way her mind works. He'll hang on your every word and won't mind engaging in hour long conversations and debates about the world. You have a good natured, considerate companion in Mr. Libra, who will honor and respect you for who you are. A fantastic match if ever there was one! ( Source: FUNgirl - Astrology )

Amazing... Good match but that invisible wall is still there...

2008-03-17T22:53:00.002+08:00

Dunno why I'm kinda piss off by "R". I think few years back I still have some good feelings towards him. But ever since I met him up recently and he told me he broke off with his gf already, I start to detest him. These guys are fuck!! Ya, broke off with gf liao den come look for me. NNBCB!!
The best thing is he ask me out for drinks and back out when he know I'm not going to his place after that. KNN... Giving me excuses like, "Then meet you another day, I dun wanna get change to go all the way to town and stay for a while only."
Ya, ya, ya... If I said after drink I will go his place, I think he will fly down to the pub lo. NBCB!!
Do you think next time I will wanna meet him for drinks again?? The fucking next time I will ask him go marina south and fly kite ar!!! Another choice is - GO FUCK SPIDER LA!!

Jon called me in the evening too. He asked why I never call him, why he's the one who always call me. I told him I "felt" that he is busy so never call. He said cannot "felt" then never call him, must call him and ask "You taken your meals le ma?" and so on... hahaha
He is funny la! Sometimes he remind me of "J". That's why I dun allow myself to get too close to him. I dun wan at the end of the day he will treat me like how "J" did. That would throw me to a deeper hell. Ya... he intro me to the other guys in the pub as his gf but I dun think that he means anything serious. He just love my perfume only... If other girls put on Euphoria, I think he will also intro them as his gfs.

2008-03-17T01:44:00.012+08:00

Today I'm so tired!!! Before I go sleep, here are the photos that I took when I'm @ Dreamers:

Jonathan with his friend - Lester

Les with Shalene

Les with Kelly

Shalene with Stanley

Shalene with Jon

Yeah!! Pointing the international hand sign! lolz

Feeding my addiction...

He loves my Euphoria perfume!

He intro me to his friend as his girlfriend... So I call him "Boyfriend"...
Who cares? Is just only a name... Nothing serious go on.
Flirt, lies, sweet talks are all in men's genes. Shouldn't trust any of them at all...

Alright, gotta go sleep... yawnzzzzz

2008-03-11T22:21:00.003+08:00

Today is my off day. I'm home all day, taking a break...
Was out drinking for last weekend. Damn... Drink till the sun came out then go home.
Recently I was with Shalene and Kelly at Carpenters' Street - Dreamers.
That place was ok, but I think my friends like the guys who hang around there. Kelly said the bartender - Jonathan look like Edison (HK actor). Hahahaha... But I dun think he look like la.
Anyway he like the perfume I wear and keep telling me I smell good. Hahahaha... funny guy!
Last 2 days he called me to go down to the pub as he miss the smell of my perfume. I told him I will go if he manage to get Shalene down. Another option, buy the perfume and spray at home or spray in the pub. Actually I'm not interested in him. I dun like guys who sweet talk to me. He's nice la but need to try harder to get me interested.

I am falling in love with my alcohol again!!!! So in love and can't get enough of it! lolz...

Me with Kelly

Hey Baby

2008-03-11T14:33:00.001+08:00

It used to be my favorite song and I still remember how to rap it! lolz

2008-03-04T21:01:00.002+08:00

Ever since I start working in a perfume shop, my perfume collections also grow. Part of my salary will go back either to my company or another shop to get new perfumes. Unbelievable!!!
I just calculate all the bottles I have in my cupboard and the amount came up to 29 bottles! Holy shit!!! I think I gotta control my urge of buying liao. Haiz... but sometimes can't help it, in the end always broke before the month ends. I'm going to do the eyebrow embroidery soon. Sick and tired of drawing it. Dun have time to grow it back as I need to put on make up when I go work. Need to throw in another 200 bucks for it. Shit!!! I am damn broke!!! Any guy wanna spoon feed me?? I promise I'll be good, listen to you and won't rebel. Lolz... For 1 month only.... hahaha...
Jialet la, like that no one will feed me liao. How? How? Money not enough!!! All the stupid prices went up, why the fuck salaries didn't??? Everything is so costly nowadays! Feel like robbing someone now! I think I'm going nuts soon... *bleah*

2008-03-04T00:33:00.002+08:00

I bought a new PC and a pink DS-Lite, yeah!!! Now My PC screen was kinda big, see until my eyes pain... hahaha....

Last few weeks was my drinking days... I have been out drinking again lately.
Met up some old friends and had a great time!! Ej and Kamal said I'm way too skinny, compared to the old me. But I still prefer the way I am now.

"D" likes to lie! He told me the Gf dumped him and yet I saw her photos and comments she sent him thru' friendster. Liar!!! Men, CANNOT BE TRUSTED! THEY ARE BORN TO BE CHEATERS, ALWAYS NEVER MEANT WAD THEY SAID.

I found out that I no longer have that kind of special feel towards those guys I once had my eyes on. I think I've change again... I can't get myself to be interested again even though I wish I have a BF. And I think I'm not capable of keeping a relationship with a guy. Most are either flings, one night stand or just friends. Flings, I no longer have them and as for one night stand, it will only happen on those night when I'm freaking drunk. And hey! I did try to keep a relationship with those one night stands BUT they are the basturds who just wanna play and dun wan a relationship. So, is not my fault after all... They are the ones who made me feel that they are the mistakes I've made when I'm too drunk. Haiz... I think all the good men die liao!! Hmmm... dun think I'm suitable for those kind of "good" man who will carry the GF's handbag and take her command. I need a guy who can over-powered me and take control. I want a BF, not a servant!!! My BF must be someone like Hong, who's capable of fighting with me and commanding me at times, hahaha... So far nobody can do that yet. Anyway, I'm doing fine with my life right now. Nobody breaks my heart, no ups and no downs... So far so good even though sometimes I might feel kinda lonely but is ok!! Everything went just fine.
Cheers!!!!!!!!

As Time Goes By

2008-02-14T23:36:00.003+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!!!
I've read Shalene's blog and get to know that she's upset about her recent relationship with a guy. I just felt that at this point of time, she should have understand what I'm going thru' when "J" played me out.
I guessed it won't be that hurting if is a few years thingy. The whole damn thing ended when it just started...
Anyway, Shalene... I'm still single. Remember I told you that, after "J", I know I won't be able to fall in love again? Till' now, I'm still waiting for someone who can give me the same feeling as "J" did. This few years, I locked myself in my own world. Everyday is work and home. I seldom go drinking and seldom answer calls. I'm not prepared to do all that again or maybe it's time to let go.
But as time goes by, I will try to forget about everything although I dunno when the wound will heal. I will hang out again when the time is right or maybe I won't also...

Not a day goes by that I don't need u in my life
was it somethin' that I did, tell me why
and i can't get pass the pain to u our luv is just a memory
gradually, u slip away and all I can say is stay

can somebody please, stop this hurt inside
although, your luv for me has changed
after all the pain u've cost that i still can't get u outta my mind
no matter what u say I can't let go

*as time goes by will our memories fade
tell me how can u go on after all that we've been through
i don't wanna go on without u in my life
because in my heart i still believe that u will come back to me

i'm beggin' u please, stop this hurt inside
although, your love for me has changed
after all the pain u've cost i still can't get u outta my mind
no matter what u say I can't let go

do I ever cross your mind? do u even stop to cry?
in my heart u'll always stay, don't let us slip away
though I've tried I can't let go u're still the one for me
we can work it out in your love I still believe.. u r the one

2007-12-31T23:31:00.000+08:00

Last day of year 2007 and I'm at home... hahaha...
Ya, I never go count down. What's the big deal about it? Every year the same! Sianz...
Xavier msn me a moment ago, asked me to meet him up. I wished to go but can't.
Need to open shop at 8am. He said he miss me and miss hugging me. Yeah right! I dun think I'll take that crap. He told me he broke off with his gf le. I guess that's the reason why he miss me.
Lolz... Anyway, I told him if he wants, he can come fetch me from work tomorrow. I doubt he'll do that. Hahaha~
Hong msn me too... He's in HK now. He sprained his back, hahaha... Accident prone...
Hope to see him when he's back in town.

2007-12-30T23:38:00.000+08:00

Have been feeling down since X'mas Eve... Spend my X'mas Eve and X'mas at work by reading Stephenie Meyer's novels. I was crazy about Edward Cullen (one of the character in the novel) after finishing the novels. I was trying very to hard to fight back my tears for those 2 days. As usual, memories of "J" will always flash back to me at this time.
Today I suddenly have the urge of drinking, but couldn't find anyone to go with me. In the end, I headed home after work. Haiz, when I need someone to be with me, I always end up being alone. When I wanted to be alone, people will start calling me. Suddenly wanted a Bf very much! I need a Bf like Edward Cullen! Getting a Bf like him is impossible... This kind of guy doesn't exists in this world. I think to find a guy who I will love is also near to impossible. I feel so lonely... so terrible... so miserable... Today is also my Granny's birthday! They had a celebration at her place. My father was there!! I didn't attend due to my work. I bought a perfume for him. Thought of giving it to him but no chance. My bro updated some of his news to me. My heart soured... I guess my father isn't happy at all. My bro said he had more tattoos than before and he told me he dunno why our father become like that. I understand why... I know because every tattoo that i had, were done when I was in the hell time of my life. People always asked me, "Hey, is it pain when you do the tattoo?" My answer is always no. Because I could only feel my heartache at that point of time. Haiz... is my fault. Is my fault that caused my parents to divorce.
Every time when I talk about my father, tears will start running in my eyes and flow down. If I could turn back the clock, I wish I was never born. I wished I doesn't exists at all... ...

Try doing this after you married... lol

2007-12-21T19:57:00.000+08:00

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interests totaling nearly 1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over 2 milion, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than 3 decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash nd investments worth over 3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just dun know when to keep their mouths shut!

2007-12-20T21:42:00.000+08:00

I've just finish reading a bloody bitch's blog! People said leopard can never change their spots! This applied to her! She's still a very good liar and had amazing skills in acting! Wonder why she never go take part in star search?? Something which I dun understand is, what's her motive behind all the shit she created?
She is a psycho!!! Maybe she felt happier by making the others' life miserable. I felt sorry for the girl who fell into her trap, so poor thing...
Oh, she was saying that she miss H badly. Good for her! Hope she could succeed in making out with him real soon. I know she had that thought in mind some time ago.
And please... Ej and Shalene, I'm not at all jealous! Nothing to jealous about her. She's a nightmare!!! I'm glad she had fucked far far away from me!!! You know I hate germs, they made me sick!!!

2007-12-10T21:47:00.000+08:00

I miss the drinking days with Hong, Ej, Shalene and the rest of the guys...
I've stop drinking for more than 5 months le. Sometimes I think that's a good thing but at times, I just feel lonely and bored. Drinking made me feel sad... memories that I feared would rush back to me when I drink and I still need to pretend that I'm happy after all. Laughing is just a way to hide my sorrow. Drank till drunk is another way to escape reality. I hate the world, I hate the people, I hate everything I see and happen around me. I hate the fact that I'm still alive and living miserably.

2 poems that I came across while reading. (It reflected how I felt deeply...)

I came like a lost moth
softly one night
attracted by the glow
the gentle warmth of your lighted window
and now I flutter aimlessly in the cold
hoping that one day I may enter
and take in your brilliance

In a darkened room
beyond reach of God's faith lies the wounded
the shattered remains of love betrayed
and the innocence of a child is bought & sold
in the name of the damned
the rage of the angels left silent and cold
all the precious times have been put to rest again
and the smile of the dawn brings tainted
lust singing my requiem
can I take the day when I'm tortured in my trust
and watch it crystallized while my salvation crumbles to dust?
forgive me please
for I know not what I do
how can I keep inside
the hurt I know is true
why can't i steer this ship before it hits the storm
I've fallen into the sea
but I still try to swim for shore
tell me when the kiss of life becomes a lie
thus burns a scar of skin too deep
to hide behind this fear of running to you

雨天

2007-11-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

Good Song!!!

Jokes I've read recently...

2007-11-22T23:12:00.000+08:00

A Blonde & A Lawyer joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Sydney to Melbourne. the lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and roll over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you dunno the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Ok, if you dunno know the answer you pay me $5, and if I dunno the answer, I'll pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Ok, your turn." says the lawyer.

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4 legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his moderm and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends email to all his firends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde says,"Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde shrugs, reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep... ...

2007-11-10T19:25:00.000+08:00

周杰伦最长的电影
作词:周杰伦作曲:周杰伦

我们的开始
是很长的电影
放映了三年
我票都还留着
冰上的芭蕾
脑海中还在旋转
望着你慢慢忘记你
朦胧的时间
我们溜了多远
冰刀划的
圈起了谁改变
如果再重来
会不会稍嫌狼狈
爱是不是不开口才珍贵

再给我两分钟
让我把记忆结成冰
别融化了眼泪
你妆都花了要我怎么记得
记得你叫我忘了吧
记得你叫我忘了吧
你说你会哭
不是因为在乎

Underwater World!!

2007-10-31T19:47:00.000+08:00

Underwater world really dun worth the money!!! The only thing that attracts me is the Sea Angel & Jelly Fish!!!!
Sea Angel are sooooooo cute sia!!!

Peacock crossing road. Lolz...

Here's the photos of me/Magge:

Had few more photos with Magge. G0tta wait for her to send it to me before I could upload them here...

2007-10-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

I simply can't resist this guy!!! He's so man!!

I will on M.C tomorrow... Wanna go to Sentosa's Underwater World with Magge. Lolz...
Actually I just dun wish to go work! Fucked the stupid company! Hate how they treat us - staffs.
I just can't understand why all the boss I met are super calculative and simply a miser! Can't they just put themselves in a staff's shoes? Fuck up!! They expect their staffs to work hard and fight sales for them, when they can't even pay their staffs properly. So bosses out there, please bear your fucking mind that if you dun give good benefits and better pay for your soldiers, be prepared that they will leave you to die or turn over on you at anytime! And you people deserve it if that is going to happen!!!

2007-10-28T01:02:00.000+08:00

I love this man after watching the drama!!! Er... I mean I love the him in the drama.. lolz
If you ever watched this drama, you'll know what kind of man I wished for and why am I still single. As this kind of man would only appear in drama series or comics.
Can't find a man like him, I rather remain single for always... :P

2007-10-04T22:38:00.000+08:00

the rain, just never seems to bring
the joy, i feel the same
everlasting pain of my loss remains
my heart, can't seem to learn to part
the hold you left the mark
all that i dreamed of now it seems so stark
tho i told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in
if you gave me one chance to tell you how i was feeling
i would sing to you and tell you i won't live my life without you
if you gave me, one chance to tell you how i was feeling
i would hold your hand and look in your eyes and ya know,
i'd never let you go
the way, you left me on the train
i don't know what to say
i remember everything on that day
i can't believe we'd never dance
i just need one more chance
to share the sunset our one last romance
tho i told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in
if you gave me, one chance to tell you how i was feeling
i would sing to you and tell you i won't live my life without you
if you gave me, one chance to tell you how i was feeling
i would hold your hand and look in your eyes and ya know,
i'd never let you go

2007-09-25T11:11:00.000+08:00

Hey, I'm back from thailand... The trip was all about shopping, eating and boozing, hahaha...
Work was kinda fucked up, lotsa gossiping and backstabbing shit going on. I really hate this kinda shit. Anyway, not very important!
The most important thing is, I'm selling perfumes now. The prices are much cheaper than duty-free and are all genuine If you are interested in testers, I can get it for you too. But please note, not all perfumes come with testers (I gotta check if there's any stock first) and most probably you can save a few more dollars as I get staff price from my company.

Anyone interested in roll-on perfumes? I've some stocks with me now!

Selling @ $5per piece, 2 for $4.50 each , 3 & above for $3.50 each.
(Please add $2 for postage or self collect to save for postage fees.)
You can choose from 6 fragrances:
1. Burberry london
2. Kenzo Beauty
3. Polo Blue
4. Poison
5. Babydoll
6. Drakkar Noir

Get anyone of above FREE when purchasing a bottle of perfume from me.
Drop me a mail @ ayumius@gmail.com to check on your favorite perfume NOW!!

2007-09-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

It had been some time since I last blog... Life was still the same for me. The only difference is that, my brother and I no longer on good terms. We no longer talk to each other even though we are still living under the same roof. We had a big fight some time back... I dun think is my fault as he is the one who started to behave like a mad dog and go around 'bitting' his own sister. Anyway I dun wanna talk about him as it hurts me. I used to sayang him a lot. I'll buy anything for him when I had money. Wadever he requested, I would try my best to buy or get it for him. Even if I didn't get the thing, I will still make some compensation. Now, I'll ask him go fly kite.
A lot of things made me heartache and after all the pain I had, I learn to be heartless and fuck care. Wad matter most is me being happy. It really doesn't pay to be good to others.

Time really flies, I'm in my current company for 3 months already. So far, I enjoy working in this environment although sometimes some mother fucker would piss me off. Oh, I've learn to save money too, hahaha... It's not a big sum but at least something. I kinda quit drinking too... No more parties for me :(
Recently, other than work, I'm busy with my tamagotchis and nail art. Will try to post some art work done when I'm free. I'll be leaving to Bangkok for 5 days on next Tuesday.
Derek want me to buy perfume for him. I'll only get it for him when I'm back. Kinda miss him actually. Dunno why I dream of him too... hahaha But I dun remember wad the dream is about. And he ORD already lo... Now big boy le, hahaha...
Alright, catch up again when I'm back from Thailand. Probably with some photos...
Eileen and me decided to booze up there... yeah!! Drinking session... Hope it'll be fun! :P

Good Girl Gone Bad

2007-07-25T01:09:00.000+08:00

Nice song!!!

张栋梁《Heart》

2007-07-03T01:17:00.000+08:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?ccxigdtjnjj

这深夜无尽想念
有你在的世界
拥抱的力量太坚决
舍不得要说再见

黑暗中看你的脸
还有心痛的感觉
仿佛相爱就在昨天
却换了几个季节

我们的爱不应该忘记誓言
离开的决心总被思念超越
放不开昨天
只等待明天
紧握不住的永远

如果相爱没有过轰轰烈烈
也许就不会那么伤心欲绝
爱那么明确
痛那么直接
就算只那么一天
（错过时间是永远遗憾）
My Heart

我爱你没有极限
心就在你身边
相遇如果再早一些
能不能重来一切

周杰伦 - 不能说的秘密

2007-07-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

冷咖啡離開了杯墊
我忍住的情緒在很後面
拼命想挽回的從前
在我臉上依舊清晰可見

最美的不是下雨天
是曾與你躲過雨的屋檐(oh~~)
回憶的畫面
在蕩著秋千夢開始不甜

你說把愛漸漸放下會走更遠
又何必去改變你說過的誓言
你用你的指尖指示我說再見
想象你在身邊在完全失去之前

你說把愛漸漸放下會走更遠
或許命運的簽只讓我們遇見
只讓我們相戀這一季的秋天
飄落後才發現這幸福的碎片
要我怎麼撿

Jay's new movie MV... Very nice song!

Nice Song!

2007-06-26T01:48:00.000+08:00

寄没有地址的信
这样的情绪有种距离
你放着谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情
能不能说给我听
雨下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景有我爱你
我可以陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽
是因为你
幸福它真的不容易

2007-06-17T22:40:00.000+08:00

I've silent break with him... I'm once again single!!! Haiz, did I met the wrong guy or am I not suitable to be in a relationship? I really dunno... I do feel sad actually... sad that no one is serious to me. All of them just want sex only... Kinda feel hurt... so hurt... I dun wanna be in a relationship again! Unless the guy can prove that he really love me, if not, he can go fly kite. Maybe Mr Right only appears in drama/movies. In reality, Mr Right doesn't exist... I try not to cry, but sometimes the fact is so hurting till' I cant control my tears. I am vulnerable at times... Never trust any guy again!

2007-06-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

I fall in love with this song!! So touching!! Made me feel so sad... ...

2007-06-14T21:57:00.000+08:00

I gotta go to Lot 1 from Friday to Sunday. Haiz... my boss asked me to go there to promote the products by Taylor of London. I'm there alone lo, super boring and sian. Haiz, gotta take train for the next few days to go there... Troublesome and long distance! I saw my primary schoolmate - Kartina when I was there on Wed. Next, I saw Lynn... She's once a very good friend of mine during my rebellious days. I still remember we used to runaway from school, take drugs, go Sparks and did a lot of things together. The sight of her brings back lots of memories to me. Time really flies! She's married and pregnant now, going to give birth in another 2 months time. I guess she is leading a very blissful and happy life. Quite a few of my old times friends had married and lots of them actually had children already. Sometimes, I really envy those who had a good husband. Hahaha... I'm just not the fortunate type...
He called yesterday... I didn't answer again... I just felt no point to be together, it just felt meaningless to me. I could only feel loneliness! I'm getting more and more lonely as each day passes... So lonely till' I dunno wad to do, dunno wad should I do... so lost...

2007-06-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling tired again!! Suddenly feel very sleepy, I shall go sleep after this. Haiz... my everyday is so fucking boring! How I wish I could just laze around at home...
Yesterday he didn't call me... But he called me at 9 plus just now. I didn't answer... Dun feel like talking to him. As I expected the conversation to be the same, "as usual" thingy. Nothing much to talk about anymore, might as well dun talk and save h/p bill.
My colleagues asked if I had a Bf now. So wanted to tell them I dun have... One of the girls asked if he is the one who always go party with me? I told her "Nope! He dun smoke and seldom drink. We are 2 different world." I told her this kind of relationship will not last. In my world, there's no him and in his world, there's no me. Like that how to last? Anyway I dun want to be too serious in a relationship again! Dun wanna feel the hurt and pain that it bring. Dun wish to expect too much also. Being serious won't earn me any good. So take it easy, hahaha... Everything shall go along with my mood. Yeah! after tomorrow will be my off day! Finally can slack at home... Hahaha... I am not going to meet him as i dun have the mood! Dun feel like wasting cab fare to go to his place and get fuck... Had been doing that for a couple of my off days and i started to feel stupid. My mum said other guys/friends gotta come fetch/drive me to go out, why the hell I gotta send myself to my guy's doorstep (for the fact that he's also driving)... Haiz... it really made me feel stupid. I shouldn't be nice to a person...

2007-06-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

I'm very tired for the past few days... Haiz... kinda mood swing! I guess is because of the diet pills I took recently (again). I have not been talking to my guy too and his calls are getting lesser and lesser... I dun think I'm going over to his place on this coming Wednesday. Dun feel like seeing him... After all is only for sex, not very important! I rather help my mum in some cleaning for our old unit as she's the one who give me money when I'm broke. My guy can just look for another girl for sex, I dun care! I dun want our meet ups are for sex only. If is that way, I rather he look for another girl. Feeling so sianz...

2007-06-08T23:44:00.000+08:00

Pictures, pictures, pictures!!!!
I've finally bought the wireless adapter from my PC. So can upload all the pictures that I've took when I'm at Dragonfly with the guys. =)

Raymond and Alan with their girls...

Alan & Friends...

Alan...

David, his bro (Raymond), Anddie & Girl (dun who is she, hahaha)

Me & Anson & Alan...

Me & David & Anddie...

These guys are a whole lot of fun!!! They are the best drinking kakis I've ever had!!!
You guys rock!!!! Hahaha... love them so much!!!

~**ThE fAlLeN aNgEl**~